The Rules Companion
by SJSGirl
Summary: Series of oneshots based off of StoleTheSpider's Rules For Not Getting Squished. Written with her permission.
1. Chapter 1

**Rule 1: Don't Eat Sugar Around Any Of The 'Bots**

"I'm so going to enjoy this," Dani murmured as she started at the forbidden cookie in her hand with delight. She had made sure that no 'Bot, especially Ratchet, was around before pulling it out of the secret spot where she had hidden her stash. His idea of a snack was a variety of nutritious fruits and vegetables, not that she had any problem with them. A girl could only eat so many carrot sticks or apples though before snapping.

Dani was so intent on congratulating herself for sneaking in this forbidden treat that she failed to note the sound of approaching footsteps moving towards the room. She also failed to note that the footsteps belonged to a certain medic, who stopped in the doorway. His optics took in the sight of the cookie and widened.

**::Ironhide, I need your help!::** he commed to the weapons specialist. He knew that taking anything away from the girl was a hassle without backup, especially when it came to sugary filled treats.

**::On my way,::** the mech growled and within moments he had joined Ratchet. He took in the sight of the cookie being held triumphantly in Dani's hand and his optics narrowed. At a silent three the two 'Bots moved towards her, finally catching her attention.

Hearing the sound of two sets of heavy footsteps rushing towards her Dani turned, cookie still held up in the air. The girl's eyes widened at the sight of the two mechs rushing towards her and she froze, inwardly cursing for not being so observant and being too cocky. With a well trained eye and skilled shot, Ratchet threw his trusty wrench, knocking the cookie from Dani's hand leaving Ironhide to crush it into crumbs underneath his foot.

"You know better," Ratchet growled before producing an orange and setting it firmly in front of her. Dani could only stare at him in shock. How much practice had he had to be able to knock one small cookie out of her hand without harming her in the process?

She sighed as she grabbed the orange and began to peel it underneath Ironhide and Ratchet's watchful gazes. In some matters Dani had discovered that it was better to simply surrender. The matter of snacks was just one such occasion…this time. Next time she would have her sugary treat!


	2. Chapter 2

_The disclaimer is in the first chapter. I will only put in author's notes as I need to._

**Rule 4: Books are to be read, not to be used as weapons.**

The rec room was silent, for once, as Dani leaned back on the couch. The sound of the occasional page being turned was the only sound as she raptly devoured the words on the page. She had recently picked up the newest Harry Potter book and was almost half way through it already. Dani glanced at the other book beside her, a required reading for her dreaded English class, and shuddered. She had opened 'War and Peace' once and had immediately gotten a headache. How anyone was expected to read and write a report on that book she didn't know.

The sound of large mechanical footsteps registered on her mind but wasn't enough to pull Dani away from the book. Ironhide entered the room and headed for the Autobot sized couch, pausing as he noticed the girl sitting quietly and reading a book. One metallic ridge arched up at the sight. Dani sitting quietly was a rare occurrence and usually meant that she was planning something.

"Aren't you supposed to be reading that book?" he asked as he gestured to the thick volume on the couch beside her. Dani snorted and waved a hand at him, too enraptured by the world of magic and wizardry to answer. Ironhide's optics narrowed as he leaned down. He hated to be ignored even if it was by an annoying human.

"What is that? 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'? Is that one of the required readings for your class?" he asked, a touch of curiosity in his voice. Reluctantly Dani pulled her attention from the page and glared at him.

"No, this is just for my enjoyment," she snapped before returning to her book. She was still testy with him over the destruction of the stereo system and shutting off the 'Jar of Dirt' song. You think that her tone would have been enough of a warning to leave things be. Obviously Ironhide didn't hear it or care about Dani's annoyance because she suddenly found her hands missing the newly purchased Harry Potter book and the 'War and Peace' tucked in its place.

"School first," he growled as he began to straighten. The sight of the book that she had eagerly waited for in his hands snapped the thin leash Dani had on her temper. The enraged teen grasped the book in one hand and reared back, pitching it towards the mech's face. He was too surprised by her sudden action to move and let out a loud bellow of pain as the pointy edge of the cover slammed into one blue optic. He reared back as he clutched a hand to the injured body part; dropping the book he held in his other hand to the floor.

Suddenly realizing what she had done, Dani jumped off the couch and scooped up both books before dashing out of the room. Within moments she heard the sound of Ratchet's annoyed voice and Ironhide's snarled explanation and decided that it would be better if she made herself scarce. Dani spent the better part of the day hiding in a small utility closet in an unused hangar. At least she got to finish reading my book in peace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rule 8: Pets Are Not Allowed On Base**

'We need a mascot,' Dani thought to herself as she stood watching the mixture of humans and Autobots going about their business. She figured that they needed something that would help the humans relax and wouldn't be stupid enough to be stepped on and turned into a four legged squishy pancake by an inattentive 'Bot. After a few hours of searching Dani decided that a Golden Retriever puppy was just the thing. A quick jotting of directions and Dani was on her way in a 'borrowed' vehicle to retrieve the base's new pet.

When Dani pulled back onto the base she opened the door and turned the puppy loose to allow him to investigate his new home. At the sight of the furry animal Bumblebee began to play the most ominous music he could find and Optimus gave the teen a half amused, half exasperated look. Dani was puzzled at their reactions. Why did the sight of the puppy bring such a reaction? She got her answer when Ironhide appeared, returning from practice on the firing range and all hell broke loose.

"What the slag?" Ironhide's angry question boomed out as his cannons whirled into life and took aim at the innocent puppy sniffing casually at his feet. Dani heard Sam choke on a laugh and slapped herself in the forehead with a groan as she suddenly remembered his aversion to any four legged animal, whether it was furry or not. Apparently he still had lingering issues from the Mojo and 'lubrication' incident.

Dani rushed over and retrieved the puppy, pulling him out of the way of Ironhide's primed cannons. Being a puppy he was of course curious and tried to approach the angry mech again. Sam couldn't hold back his laughter this time as Ironhide visibly flinched at the dog's approach.

"Get that thing away from me!" he snarled, narrowing his optics as he glared alternately at me and the poor puppy. Dani sighed as she loaded the puppy back up and began the drive back to return him before Ironhide could blow him to pieces. She sighed as she drove; she had thought having a mascot would be a good thing. Apparently she had been wrong and she wasn't going to get a goldfish no matter how much Optimus tried to explain his reasoning why he thought it was a good idea.


	4. Chapter 4

**Request from annabellelennox**

**Rule 13: Don't Tempt Ratchet**

This is one rule that should be strictly followed, as the consequences can definitely be hazardous to your health. Ticking off a grumpy Ratchet usually results in a wrench being thrown at you, whether you're a 'Bot or human. If you really rile him up you might get a surgical saw tossed your way. Honestly though there are just so many things that push his buttons that it's hard to remember them all.

Calling him 'Hatchet' is a particularly memorable no-no. Just don't do it. Even if you don't think he'll hear you still don't do it. Just ask Sunny and Sides about the numerous dents they've suffered because of their usage of that nickname. Even Jazz isn't immune to having a wrench hurled at him when that happens to slip out. Sometimes Dani would goad the Chevy twins into saying it just to watch the mayhem.

Stealing his wrench collection is another thing to keep away from. If even one is missing he goes on a rampage that sends even Optimus and Ironhide scrambling for cover. Steal the whole set and you're just begging to be tied down and left to his mercy.

Skids and Mudflap weren't seen for almost a week after Ratchet had discovered them using his collection to add numerous dents to each other. Their screams of terror from the med bay though echoed throughout the base and drove home the point that if you mess with his wrenches Ratchet wouldn't hesitate to dish out his own 'punishment'. Not even being put in the brig by Prowl would keep you safe. It just made it easier for him to catch you.

Dani supposed that they could now add avoiding fighting with rubber chickens in front of him to the list. It was an unusually warm day and Sam and Dani were bored, hot and irritable. What had started out as a few cross words quickly blossomed into a fight with rubber chickens to settle their differences. What a mistake that turned out to be.

"Knock it off!" the growled words and wrench bouncing off the ground between the two teenagers should have been a deterrent or at least a sign to take their antics elsewhere. Unfortunately they were actually having too much fun inflicting damage on each other to heed the warning.

The next thing they knew Sam and Dani were being plucked off the ground and carried into med bay by an extremely irritated medic. The two teens were helpless as he strapped them down to begin a series of 'tests' on them designed to evaluate their physical and mental status. Dani sighed. It was kind of sad how it seemed like their greatest sources of amusement seemed to involve bodily harm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Request from annabellelennox**

**Rule 14: "Slag Happens" Is Not A Valid Excuse**

If you're going to try and get yourself out of trouble, make sure you have a good excuse. Any excuse, including the old 'it was an accident' excuse would probably go over better. "Slag happens" just doesn't fly, no matter who uses it or who it's said to.

It started with a 'minor' incident with Galloway. Dani didn't like the man; no one did. On this day he was being particularly obnoxious and annoying and she decided to give him something to really be irritated about. It definitely would…heat things up.

Scorching his pants with her personal flamethrower was entirely Dani's idea. His angry shouts at a puzzled Optimus as he stood in his boxers, holding up his ruined pants for inspection, made the girl cringe. She quickly hid the flamethrower behind her back and attempted to exit the scene as inconspicuously as possible. The look Optimus shot her as he murmured apologizes and promises to replace the ruined garment froze Dani in place.

His subsequent accusations were met with a cheery 'slag happens' excuse that did little to appease his anger. He smirked slightly at the excuse and the image of the teen standing over the liaison's pants, cackling evilly as she torched them, but it didn't stop the stern lecture she received. Dani could only hang her head at his anger and take the lecture silently. She had sent him an angry bald man in his obscenely obnoxious boxers to yell at him due to her own annoyance at his behavior.

The end result was Dani being sent to her room and her personal flamethrower being confiscated. She winced as she heard Wheeljack being chewed out for giving her the device in the first place. Dani slouched down in her chair and stared glumly at the homework that she could no longer avoid that was waiting for her. Galloway really needed to grow a sense of humor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rule 18: Let Sleeping Soldiers Lie**

Unfortunately this rule now applies to government officials, no matter how annoying they may be or how much they may deserve certain consequences of a prank.

Dani loved when anyone fell asleep around her. Lennox and the others were quickly learning to avoid doing so, given the teen's proclivity to practice her art skills using them as canvases. Sometimes though, it was simply unavoidable. Since those times were rare Dani took full advantage of them when they occurred. Take today for instance.

It had been a particularly grueling trip and Lennox had succumbed to sleep on his own. Galloway…may have had some help since he just wouldn't shut up. Either way this was the opportunity Dani had been waiting for. Pulling out her magic marker collection that she carried at all times for just such an occasion, she set to work drawing on the two sleeping men. Lennox received the dubiously innocuous Dark Mark on his arm. Galloway wasn't so lucky. Dani snickered as she carefully drew the Decepticon symbol on his cheek and put her tools away. She sat back as the two men woke and watched the show as it unfolded with glee.

Lennox's reaction was the most innocent, being that laughter greeted his new 'tattoo'. When he finally realized what everyone was laughing at he simply glared at Dani and went to wash it off. He paused though as Galloway emerged and the real fun began.

At the sight of the all too familiar symbol on his cheek, several Autobots sprang into action to neutralize the threat. Galloway screamed as he was bombarded with flying wrenches, managing to evade them all with more luck than skill. Ironhide gave everyone the most enjoyment and Dani could even see Optimus laughing, though he was trying his best to be inconspicuous about it.

Shouting that he had known all along that the man was a Decepticon spy, Ironhide proceeded to chase the man around the base, trying his hardest to blow him up. Galloway was screaming for Optimus to do something, though the Autobot leader was now too busy laughing his aft off to even make an attempt. Prowl had already glitched and fallen over and Ratchet was too busy trying to get him back online to even think about stopping Ironhide, though Dani could see that he was shaking slightly with laughter. Jazz merely stood by smirking, glancing over and winking subtly at Dani. What was she doing during all the commotion? She was laughing too hard to even try and stop Ironhide to tell him the truth. Dani decided that it would be a good idea to be long gone and hiding before Ironhide finally realized that he had been duped and came looking for her to show her just how good his aim really was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rule 19: Do Not Play Hide 'n' Seek With The Autobots**

Dani loved to play hide and seek. It made things feel almost normal sometimes. It was even better when she tried to out sneak the 'Bots and 'borrowed' some N.E.S.T gear to hide herself from their advanced scanners. The real clincher was getting Sam, Leo and Mikaela to play.

By the time Bumblebee and the other Autobots realized that the three teens were 'missing' three hours had already gone by. Growing tired of the game, Leo had already given up and emerged from his hiding spot, but refused to tell where the rest of them were hiding. Within the hour Sam and Mikaela had been found, thanks to the Autobots' scanners and Bumblebee's frantic and endless searching.

Dani smirked as she watched them search for her from her place in the ventilation shafts, their faces growing more and more worried and irritated as their attempts turned up nothing. Thinking that she had won, the girl couldn't help the victorious giggles that escaped her. She was the champion of hide and seek!

Her giggles must have been louder than she thought because two seconds later a shot from what she recognized as 'Hide's cannon shot up through the shaft, scaring the slag out of her and drawing a startled cry from her. A few seconds later, more shots came blasting through and the shaft finally gave way underneath Dani's weight and the assault that it had taken from Ironhide's cannons. She fell to the floor with a thud and groaned, turning onto her back to be greeted by the sight of several furious Autobots surrounding me. Apparently they hadn't found the game as fun as she had.

The gear was confiscated back from me and Dani endured a solid hour long lecture from Lennox and Epps about taking things that didn't belong to her. Then she was sent to her room and placed under a 24 hour watch for the next week, as punishment for the 'game'. Guess the Autobots didn't find some games all that fun especially when they didn't even know they were playing one.


	8. Chapter 8

**Rule 20: Warn Everyone On Base When It Is Halloween**

After hearing what Sam, Mikaela and the others were dressing up as Dani knew she had to outdo them. After weeks of careful planning she came proudly onto the base dressed up as the one thing she knew would outdo everyone else. She came as a Decepticon; Megatron to be exact. Unfortunately she hadn't stopped to really think about the reactions that she would quite possibly receive.

Dani stepped onto the base and watched as everything seemed to come to a halt at the sight of her. There was a deadly frozen silence for about five seconds as what they were seeing registered on brains and processors alike. Then all hell broke loose.

Dani shrieked as she dodged multiple cannon shots, gun shots and other projectile missiles hurled at her as the Decepticon alarm was sounded. She even had an odd wrench, potato and table tossed at her, the last two items being something she would have found extremely funny if she hadn't been running for her life. It just went to show how well organized they were if a Decepticon did decide to drop by for a visit.

After almost a half hour both 'Bots and humans began to realize that Dani wasn't actually the murderous blood thirsty leader of the Decepticons coming to annihilate them. The main thing that registered was that she was a hell of a lot shorter than he was! After that realization the shooting and throwing finally stopped. Granted, most of the throwers had already run out of ammo to toss at the teenage girl anyways, though there were plenty of firepower left in certain guns and cannons.

After having to apologize to nearly everyone for the chaos she had caused and a deadly promise from Ironhide that he wouldn't miss the next time she pulled a stunt like this, Dani was allowed to enter the base and go about her daily routine. She ignored the snickers she received from Sam and Leo and headed for Optimus' office to speak to him about something. Upon entering the room she cursed as she realized that she was still wearing my costume and no one had bothered to inform their leader of the incident from earlier that morning.

Dani ended up running back out of the office as the whole mayhem from the morning began to be replayed, this time starring the normally composed Prime and his SIC once he had recovered from his glitch. She made a mental note to herself as she escaped the chaos she had unintentionally created which was ten times worse than it had been that morning, to never wear this costume or anything similar to it again. At least not without telling the Autobots about Halloween.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rule 22: When you see an insect, either kill it or capture it and release it outside**

It started out as a normal day; well as normal as it could be when you are surrounded by a large group of sentient robotic begins. Hanging around on a base full of Autobots, anything could happen. Most times whatever occurs can be considered 'normal'.

Dani was lounging in my room, doing homework. She was firmly convinced that homework was simply a torture practice devised by the Decepticons themselves. Math was the worst. Only Megatron himself could have come up with this!

As she sat at the small table, scowling over the confusing and nearly incomprehensible figures on the page, a light tickling sensation began to travel up her leg. Assuming it was a piece of lint drifting in the slight breeze, Dani raised her foot to brush at the area before returning it to its former position. Feeling the tickling sensation on her foot now, she glanced under the table to find the source of her annoyance. As she caught sight of it, her eyes widened and her face paled. Crawling leisurely on her foot towards her leg was the biggest hairiest spider she had ever seen.

Dani hated bugs of any kind, and while spiders aren't technically considered bugs she loathed them the most. The sight of their creepy legs crawling about made her shudder and want to hide under her covers. She would much rather face a slagged off Ironhide and his cannons or a wrench wielding Ratchet that deal with spiders. Hell she'd rather deal with Megatron on a good day! So upon seeing a spider crawling making its way so casually up her leg Dani did what she usually did when confronted with her greatest fear: she freaked out.

Dani pushed away from the table so fast that the chair went topping over. She began to dance around the room, shaking her foot in an effort to dislodge the creepy pest and making no attempt to muffle her screams. While they weren't loud enough to disturb any of the other resident humans not in the immediate vicinity, they were loud enough to awaken a few Autobots that happened to be recharging nearby.

Dani had just righted and scrambled back into her chair when the sound of thunderous footsteps rushing towards her room took the teen's attention off her eight legged nemesis briefly. She watched as Bumblebee, Ironhide, Ratchet and even Optimus Prime came storming into her room to see what the problem was. All Dani could do was point at the small moving spot on the floor. To say that they were annoyed to find that it was nothing serious, at least to them, was an understatement.

Neither Optimus nor Bumblebee said a word. Instead they chose to simply glare at the girl before turning and exiting the room to return to their interrupted recharge. Dani felt guilty for allowing her fear to interrupt their rest and sighed as she slowly began to relax, forgetting temporarily about Ironhide and Ratchet. She was quickly reminded when the two mechs decided to show their displeasure in their own way.

Ironhide leveled a cannon at the floor and shot the spider into oblivion, leaving a hole in the floor. Ratchet swung at Dani with the wrench he always seemed to carry with him and she let out a cry of surprise and proceeded to topple over backwards out of her chair. She watched the two Autobots exit the room and shook her head. All of this commotion over a stupid spider and she could almost bet that they wouldn't let go of this incident anytime soon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rule 24: Do Not Sign Ironhide Up For Anger Counseling**

Dani watched as Skids and Mudflap fled from the angry weapons specialist and shook her head. Yes the twins, both sets, could test the patience of even Optimus himself with their pranks and squabbles but they weren't always that bad. Ironhide simply had no patience whatsoever and seemed to be easily angered by just about everyone and everything on the base, Annabelle and Sarah Lennox excluded. Even Will wasn't safe from his grumpy behavior. This in turn led to an even grumpier Ratchet as he had to patch up and straighten out dents and scratches left by the hot tempered mech.

'Hmm wonder if this would help. Never hurts to try I guess,' Dani thought as an ad for the Dr. Phil show flashed on the TV screen. She whipped out her cell phone, never stopping to think about the possible ways this could backfire, and with one conversation later had Ironhide booked to be on the next show for help with his 'anger issues'.

The next day Dani drove 'Hide to the set. She told him that it was a surprise and it didn't occur to him to remember that her 'surprises' never ended well. The teen dropped him off then hitched a ride back with Bee, who was in on the plan and just as eager to see the results as she was. We hurried back to the base and plopped down in front of the TV to watch the show. It was a disaster from the get go.

The show began and Ironhide was introduced. No one made any comment on the unusual name. The sight of his huge alien robotic form did draw a response on the other hand. Ironhide froze at the sight of so many human civilian eyes staring at him…and all hell broke loose.

With a roar, Ironhide brought out his cannons and began firing at the set, being careful not to harm the humans that were scattering in all directions. To his credit, Dr. Phil remained calm as he tried his best to calm the enraged mech down and talk him through his anger issues. Ironhide in the meantime was ignoring him as he tried his hardest to level the set.

While all this mayhem was happening, government officials were scrambling to shut down the program before too many other people saw the rampaging Autobot. Dani was sent to her room and banned from watching TV for two weeks as punishment. She sighed as she slumped down on her bed. It seemed like she gave everyone a headache, even when trying to help.


	11. Chapter 11

**Rule 25: Paint Is An Art Supply, Not A Prank Tool**

There is one thing you should never do around Dani and that's complain about being bored. This statement applies especially to certain humans and Autobots. Skids and Mudflap found out that out the hard way.

Deciding to liven up their week after their numerous complaints of being bored, Dani figured that a new paint scheme was in order. She waited until later that night when they were in recharge before sneaking into their room with the proper shades of paint. An hour later and she was sneaking back out, paint in hand and with no one the wiser. This should cure their boredom!

The Chevy twins woke the next morning as usual. At first they were unaware of their new tattoos as they strolled outside. That's when their boredom sudden evaporated and they discovered the dangerous change to their paint jobs.

Upon spotting them, a truly huge evil grin blossomed on Ironhide's face as he primed his cannons and pointed them directly at the frozen twins. Dani watched as said twins shrieked and raced off, with Ironhide following at an almost lazy and leisurely pace. He fired shot upon shot after them and she suddenly realized that he was literally stalking the poor mechs and he was getting an unholy amount of pleasure out of it. Luckily he wasn't aiming to kill or seriously injure them…Dani hoped.

To this day Skids and Mudflap still haven't discovered who had been behind their day of fleeing from a gleeful Decepticon hunting Ironhide. Dani wondered if they knew if they would thank her for curing their boredom. Most likely though they would chase her down, weapons drawn, as they cursed her out in Cybertronian for their unexpected workout.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rule 28: Don't Comment About Epps' Throwing Skills**

It wasn't his fault. Epps was under immense pressure and under fire from numerous Decepticons. Dani knew that she wouldn't have been able to throw the canister any further than he did under those circumstances. She couldn't even throw any farther than that in a non-pressure situation. So the 'incident' as it was called should have tactfully been dropped. Unfortunately, Dani and the others just couldn't let it go.

The first few times they teased him Epps had settled for glaring at the teenagers and walking away. The man had more patience than Dani would have. Sometimes she thought that he even had as much patience as Optimus himself. Primus knows he needed it living with some of the humans and mechs on the base. But a man could only take so much before snapping and Epps had finally reached his limit.

It was after the seemingly thousandth time of walking past their wimpy sounds, whistling noises and dramatic running and flailing about that he struck. Whirling around, Epps decided that perhaps he did need to brush up on his throwing skills. Grabbing the nearest items, which sadly turned out to be apples, he began to throw them. The surprised teenagers were the targets that just conveniently happened to be in range.

It turns out that he really has a good aim. Dani found that out the hard was. She had bruises as proof for weeks. Apparently he could hit a moving target almost as well as Ironhide. The man really needed to stop practicing with that mech. Needless to say, no one ever mentions 'the incident' anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

**Rule 30: Retire Costume Accessories With Their Respective Costumes**

To make her Megatron costume authentic, Dani had purchased a set of red contact lenses to wear. To say that the costume had been successful was an understatement. Deliberately choosing to ignore the memories of the chaos that had ensued on Halloween, Dani slipped the contacts in and admired them in the mirror. She really liked how they made my eyes look.

Stepping out of her room, she suddenly realized just how bad of an idea that this had been. The eerie red color really freaked out some of the 'Bots; most notably a certain trigger happy weapons specialist. Every Autobot that saw the girl was convinced that she had switched sides to the Decepticons.

Jumping to this, in their processors, logical conclusion they decided that she was a threat. They reacted on instinct and did what they did whenever they were confronted with a Decepticon threat; they started shooting…again. Once again mass mayhem was happening, due to a really stupid decision on Dani's part.

The teen spent the next three hours dodging projectiles, hiding and shouting in a vain attempt to reason with the freaked out 'Bots. In the end she hastily removed the contacts and stomped on them as she stared down the weapons of several Autobots. After several moments of tense silence they were convinced that her loyalties were still with them and resumed their normal daily routines. She slunk back to my room to recover from her unplanned workout, ducking underneath the weight of several highly annoyed glares from Autobots and humans alike. Dani decided that she really needed to stop putting her life in danger for the sake of vanity.


	14. Chapter 14

**Rule 33: The Autobots Have No Need To Practice The Fire Drill**

They had been practicing fire safety in school all week long and Dani realized just how unprepared they were on the base. Granted the Autobots didn't need to worry about second and third degree burns and skin grafts, it couldn't hurt to alert them on the proper procedures for the humans that lived and worked with them. So Dani managed to gather most of them together, excluding certain mechs, and began the lecture.

She began explaining the dangers of fire when it came into contact with delicate human flesh, emphasizing the seriousness of burns received. Ratchet she noted was particularly interested in this part and continued to ask questions about specific issues. She should have known that he would focus the most on this particular part of the lesson. Human biology was a source of great interest to him.

Sideswipe in the meantime smirked and pointed out that humans for the most part were too stupid and slow to run away from dangerous things. Apparently to his optics they were easily distracted by pretty and sparkly things. To him fire would most likely have the same effect. Shooting him a glare and realizing that they were moving away from the serious matter at hand, Dani decided to skip ahead to the safety drills.

Stepping down onto the floor from her podium, she demonstrated the classic stop, drop and roll that had been hammered into them from school. Sideswipe could barely keep from dropping in laughter and Dani just knew several of the other Autobots were equally as amused by the ridiculous scene as he was. Standing, she crossed her arms defensively over my chest and waited expectantly for volunteers. She wasn't surprised when there were none.

Managing to convince them to pretend that they were on fire, a notion that would have caused Prowl to glitch had he been in on this particular lesson, Dani got some of the 'Bots to stop, drop and roll. Optimus even ordered some of the mechs to do so to appease me, though she noted there was no chance in hell that he was going to do so himself. Everything had been going smoothly…until disaster in the form of Leo struck.

Leo happened to run by just then, screaming. Skids and Mudflap had struck again, managing to set Leo's hair on fire. Ratchet, having taken the lesson seriously, reacted instantly.

He used one massive hand to knock Leo to the ground and proceeded to roll him around like a rolling pin. Dani winced at the sight and the sound of Leo's even higher pitched pained screams. She shuddered as she noticed that Ratchet seemed to be having a bit too much fun with this particular drill.

In the end the lesson turned out to be both a success and a disaster. The positive thing was that the Autobots now knew the proper procedures for humans, no matter how ridiculous it may look. The downside was that Leo was laid up in the med bay. Ratchet had successfully put out the fire…but had managed to inflict other injuries in the process. Dani thought maybe a couple of broken ribs were the result of the Chevy twins' latest pranks and her lesson on fire safety. She decided that it would probably be safer to avoid teaching the Autobots any more human safety drills.


	15. Chapter 15

**Rule 36: Do Not Insist Your Car is a Transformer in Disguise**

It had finally happened; the Autobots were tired of being Dani's chauffeurs. So after a quick meeting they approached the teen and insisted, more like demanded, that she get her own car. The even gave her some money to help with the down payment. Dani had no idea where they got ahold of human currency.

Thanks to their 'help' and Simmons' 'keen eye' for vehicles, she was now the proud owner of a non-sentient piece of scrap metal on four wheels. Yeah, she was still trying to wrap her mind around the concept. Let's face it, no ordinary car, whether in decent shape and looks or not, compares to an Autobot! And this new vehicle was neither in good shape or looks. It was strictly a means of getting the teenager around to where ever she needed to go. Yeah like she was going to be seen driving this thing to school!

Purely out of spite, frustration and anger Dani named her useless pile of scrap on wheels and decided to pretend it was a Decepticon spy. Only Simmons would possibly find such a vehicle. He had as much of a knack for finding trouble as she and Sam did.

Dani even decided to introduce it to the Autobots. After all they were eager to see what they had helped her purchase. She drove onto base and pulled up to where a few of them were gathered talking and leaned out the window with a small smirk. If they wanted to subject her to a vehicle like this then she was going to have fun with it.

"Hey guys. Remember that whole car issue?" she asked. When they slowly nodded and ran their gazes over the battered car the girl sat in her smirk widened as she continued.

"I'd like you to meet Hunkajunk. Don't let the name or appearance fool you. I wouldn't underestimate his abilities either. He's a stone cold killer and a Decepticon spy on top of it all. Cheetos anyone?" she finished. She then tore off the base in Hunkajunk like Megatron himself was on my bumper cackling madly. Her only wish was she could have stuck around to see their faces. She was pretty sure they would have been classic ones.


	16. Chapter 16

**Rule 37: It **_**Really**_** Isn't a Good Idea to Pretend That Your Car is a Transformer**

So the car that Dani had been forced to buy to provide her with her own transportation? The one she had affectionately nicknamed Hunkajunk? He disappeared and Dani couldn't seem to find him. She had a feeling that she knew who had taken him; the same mech who had made off with her reptile. Dani had her suspicions confirmed one day when all was unusually quiet on the base.

The teen was immediately on alert as Bumblebee approached with a smirk on his faceplates. Using his radio, he conveyed the message that the Autobots were requesting her presence at a meeting. Even more suspicious, Dani followed him to the meeting…which just so happened to be in the weapons range. Sitting innocently and looking forlorn in the middle of the range was her Hunkajunk.

Being the first to spot her arrival, Ironhide turned and shot a devious grin at Dani. The very sight of it sent chills down the girl's spine. That was the look he got before springing a trap on an unsuspecting Con or two sets of pranking twins. Dani suddenly felt very bad for her beloved Hunkajunk. Granted she hadn't wanted him in the first place but still she knew she didn't want to see what was about to occur.

"We caught your little spy friend alone and decided to question him," he smirked. Dani stared at him, dumbfounded, as he continued.

"He's stubborn, I'll give you that. He wouldn't talk even after Ratchet introduced him to his wrench. So now he has to be offlined. Say hasta la vista to your faithful little spy friend," he finished.

Before Dani could protest or even blink she was forced to watch in horror as 'Hide and the rest of the 'Bots opened fire on the poor defenseless vehicle. In no time at all Hunkajunk had been reduced to…well a smoking pile of junk. Dani started at the pile and blinked in shock. She had been starting to get really attached to her little vehicle and the Autobots had blown it apart. The kicker was that they seemed to be awfully pleased with themselves.

Leaving them to congratulate themselves, Dani turned and walked away. She shook her head in disbelief and more than a little annoyance. Surely they didn't think she was stupid enough to bring a _Decepticon_ spy to the _Autobot_ base! She shook my head again as she stalked to her room. She decided she really don't want to know if they really did or not. She felt that she might not like the answer to that statement.


	17. Chapter 17

**Rule 45: Don't Switch Optimus' Truck Horn for a Train One**

Dani sat back in the passenger seat of Optimus' truck form, trying to keep a smirk off of her face. For appearance's sake Optimus had his holoform in the driver's seat, hands on the steering wheel. This was going to be good!

Unknown to Optimus, Dani had managed to replace his regular horn with a train one. It had been nearly impossible to do, given that he had been more cautious about when he recharged since her last prank. Finally she managed to catch him unaware and pulled the switch. His reaction was going to be one for the books.

They were heading back to base when the opportunity to hear his new modification struck. Optimus' was being unusually impatient today. Like a typical male he didn't like shopping. So when he endured several minutes behind a slow driver that seemed preoccupied with something else he decided to give a polite honk to alert the driver to his surroundings. Oh he alerted the driver all right…and several other drivers as well.

The moment the train horn sounded the people beside Optimus swerved violently into the next lane, nearly colliding with a speeding SUV. The driver in front of them was so startled that he floored the gas pedal and ended up having to swerve himself to avoid hitting a vehicle that had suddenly braked in front of him. The sound of brakes squealing and horns sounding surrounded us and Dani flinched underneath the dark angry look that Optimus shot her way.

They got back to the base in one piece, thanks to Optimus' driving skills. Dani spotted Prowl waiting for their arrival and groaned. She slunk out of Optimus and walked silently in front of the ticked off mech to the brig. Fortunately no one was injured in any of the resulting crashes. Unfortunately, Dani spent a solid week in the brig with nothing to do but her homework. It was probably for the best. Dani didn't even want to think of what Optimus' punishment would have been.


	18. Chapter 18

**Rule 50: Barney is Not an Authorized Punishment**

He should be though. Barney is a highly effective one. Primus knows that the best way to keep Dani on her behavior, temporarily, is to threaten to make her watch him. Dani would rather dance before Megatron in a tutu before submitting herself to that torture.

Optimus was confused by the idea. He simply couldn't understand how a simple purple dinosaur could have such a negative effect on people. Dani decided that the best way to make him understand was to show it to him. So she popped in one of Annabelle's tapes and set him down to watch it.

It's safe to say that he now understands. He fully comprehends the full effect that the purple creature can have on people and 'Bots. The teen thought that he understood a bit too well. Dani now owes Annabelle a new tape. Somehow her previous one ended up being blown up into many pieces. Dani had her suspicions as to who the culprit was.

Optimus now has a newfound respect and awe for Annabelle. She is able to do one thing that no other human or 'Bot on base are able to. She can watch Barney without screaming in horror or agony; or go fleeing from the room the moment the familiar and haunting music begins to play. Dani was amused by the fact that on Barney days Optimus deliberately finds something to do on the other side of the base. Perhaps the dinosaur had traumatized him…not that he would ever admit it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Rule 52: Just Let Jazz Jam**

**Credit to noella50881 for the idea behind this rule**

For once Dani was in her room, keeping herself out of trouble. She was even working on something that she normally tried to avoid like the plague. She was actually doing homework. She had a paper that was due soon and had learned her lesson on procrastinating the hard way.

Suddenly she heard the sound of music beginning to boom through the walls of her room, startling her so much that she nearly fell out of her chair. Gritting her teeth, the teen attempted to ignore the sound and continue on with her work. She even turned on her own music to try and cover up Jazz's. Dani finally ended up pushing her laptop back in frustration and switching her stereo off. She couldn't even hear herself think at the moment!

"Turn your music down Jazz! I'm trying to study!" she yelled, getting seriously ticked off at the interruption. She had been on a roll and now she had lost her train of thought. Primus only knew how long it would take to regain it. Jazz merely laughed and cranked the music up even higher, making her realize just how bad of an idea that had been.

In the end Dani grabbed her laptop and stormed out of her room. Ignoring the puzzled looks she was receiving, the girl left the base in search of a quieter spot to finish her paper. Even listening to the sound of birds or other wildlife wouldn't be as distracting as Jazz's choice of music.

The lesson Dani learned that day: don't start a music war with Jazz. You will lose every single time. He can crank his music louder than you can even dream of doing. Optimus is the only one who can get him to turn it down; which usually means a long search, pounding headache and a visit to a certain grumpy medic for pain relievers.


	20. Chapter 20

**Rule 54: Bubble Wrap and Ironhide Don't Mix**

As she stared at the bubble wrap that came with large, sensitive parts an idea began to form in Dani's mind. This wasn't the small bubbled one that a person could easily pop when bored. No, this was the heavy duty stuff that had the large bubbles.

Gathering up all that she saw and could possibly carry, Dani scampered off to find the best room for her trap. She picked one of the more heavily traveled ones and covered the floor with the bubble wrap. Being careful to avoid it, she stepped out of sight to await her first victim. It couldn't have gone any better than if she had specifically planned on ensnaring this particular 'Bot.

When Ironhide walked in, the bubbles underneath him began to pop and snap. They sounded like gunshots…or they did to 'Hide at least. The sight of the large weapons specialist rushing around, trying to get out of what he thought was the line of fire was hysterical. Dani silently cursed herself for not thinking to grab a video camera. It would have made for excellent blackmail material.

No matter which way he went, the poor mech only managed to step on more bubbles, further freaking him out. Dani doubled over laughing as she watched him twist, turn and duck while trying to escape. Who knew that bubble wrap could be so amusing? Her next thought was wondering if she could get away with performing this particular stunt again this time with a video camera to tape the results. Oh the endless hours of pleasure that would give her! What a perfect way to avenge her Hunkajunk!


	21. Chapter 21

**Rule 58: Fanfiction is banned**

"What are you reading?" the deep baritone voice of Optimus Prime said from behind Dani. She let out a small yelp as she simultaneously fought to keep from falling out of her chair and pull her laptop closer to keep him from seeing the page she was perusing. How anyone as big as he was could move so quietly continued to surprise the teen. Then again she had been caught up in the stories she had been reading so she most likely wouldn't have heard him even if he had been skipping into the room. The image of the regal Optimus Prime skipping like a school girl made Dani giggle. She would have to share that thought with Sam. The slight movement of Optimus as he attempted to peer at the computer screen quickly brought Dani back to the suddenly awkward situation at hand.

"Nothing!" she said quickly as she tried to discreetly shut down the browser that had multiple tabs open, a fiery blush staining her cheeks. Why had she decided to open that sight now, in the rec room no less, instead of later when everyone else was asleep or recharging?

Before Dani could even move the pointer over to the X to close the window, Optimus had nudged the laptop out of her grasp and leaned closer to examine the page. She cursed as a strangled sound escaped his vocal processor and his optics widened farther than she had ever seen. The teen kept her eyes averted as her blush deepened and she began to fidget as more Autobots began to enter the room and wandered over to see what had caught their leader's attention.

"What…what is this?" Optimus snarled and Dani could see a mixture of horror and disgust in his blue optics. What was surprising was that it appeared that Optimus was…blushing? Who knew that an Autobot could blush?

"It's called fanfiction. It's…hard to explain," she finally muttered in a small voice. Optimus looked torn between snatching the laptop away from her or simply crushing it. Bumblebee peered around Optimus in interest and a horrified chirp escaped him as he scanned the words on the screen.

"You _read_ this?" Ironhide's voice was full of anger and his cannons whirled as he alternated glares from the computer screen to the guilty looking girl and back. Dani sank down further into her chair as several of the other Autobots pushed past Optimus to see.

"What kind of pit-spawned garbage is this?" Ratchet snapped. Dani noticed that he avoided looking at either Optimus or Ironhide and that he was quick to place a sufficient amount of space between them. Several other disgusted voices rang out and several Autobots turned and almost fled the room, avoiding any kind of physical or optic contact. Optimus was still contemplating his next course of action when Sam entered the room. He was closely followed by Will Lennox and Rob Epps, the two men chatting easily about the newest recruits.

"Hey big guy…what's wrong?" Sam asked in concern as Optimus made sure to keep his eyes averted from the human that was his friend, despite the images that were seared into his processor by those blasted 'fanfictions'.

"What did you do to send Ironhide fleeing to the shooting range as if Mojo was after him?" Will asked Dani, sensing that whatever had upset Ironhide was also affecting Optimus. She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.

"They decided to be nosy and saw fanfiction," she muttered. The three men instantly stiffened and exchanged pitying looks. They had heard about some of the more…explicit ones. They watched as Optimus shuttered his optics briefly before straightening and walking out of the room. None of them failed to notice that he couldn't seem to look directly at them at the present moment.

"Man you just had to show them that didn't you?" Epps chuckled. Sam walked over and clicked curiously on one of the tabs containing another story that Dani was reading. He skimmed it and a rosy blush immediately sprang to life in his cheeks as a squeak escaped him. Concerned, the two NEST soldiers walked over to peer over Sam's still form. Just as soon as they had read a few lines they quickly turned and left the room as an awkward and distinctly uneasy silence sprang up between them.

With a confused and horrified look at the teen, Sam turned and fled the room, leaving Dani to quietly close the browser and shut down the laptop. As she gathered it up and stood to head to her room she wondered uneasily what the repercussions would be. She found out the next morning when she booted up the computer and clicked on the link in her favorites list. Her growled words reached the audio receptors of the nearby Autobots and they smiled smugly.

"Fragging parental controls!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Rule 63: Don't hide Ratchet's tools.**

It was supposed to be a simple funny prank. Leo and Dani were bored, and boredom can be a dangerous thing; especially when both of them are bored at the same time. Ratchet was off base with Optimus, Jazz and Ironhide. There had been a new arrival and Ratchet had gone just in case he or she was in need of medical attention. It was about a week after Easter, a holiday that the Autobots didn't understand. How did hunting Easter eggs have anything to do with the miraculous resurrection of a human religious figure?

"I don't know about this Leo," Dani said as they stood outside the med bay. She was torn between wanting to see if they could pull off the prank and honest to Primus fear for her life. Ratchet was known for his temper and his possessiveness of his tools. Leo merely smirked at his coconspirator.

"You chicken?" he taunted. Dani stiffened and glared at him. Without another word the two teens crept into the med bay, glancing around furtively as if they expected Ratchet to appear suddenly and interrogate them. After a few moments they relaxed and made their way over to the work bench, where Ratchet's tools were spread out in a neat and well organized pattern.

"So which ones do we take?" Dani asked. Leo thought for a moment then pointed at the wrenches. Ratchet was also well known for throwing wrenches at bots that annoyed him. Ask Sunstreaker and Sideswipe or the Chevy twins.

Moving quickly, they gathered up as many of the medic's beloved tools as they could before creeping back out of the med bay. They made their way down the hallway, stopping to hide a tool in various places along the way. Finally hiding the last one, they quickly made their way to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat. They had a feeling that later they would be too busy fleeing for their lives to eat.

"WHERE THE SLAG IS MY TOOLS?" Ratchet's shouts resounded through the hallways startling everyone, humans and Autobots alike. The humans quickly scattered to avoid Ratchet as he stormed down the hallway, his optics flickering in his fury. Optimus emerged from his office and watched as the medic stalked past him, heading for the personal quarters where he knew he would find a certain set of pranking twins.

::Optimus to Prowl, grab Ironhide and meet me at the twins' quarters,:: the tall mech sighed as he began to pursue the enraged CMO.

::We'll be right there,:: Prowl responded. In the cafeteria, Leo and Dani exchanged uneasy glances. They had expected Ratchet to be upset but this was a whole other level of fury that they had never seen before.

"Leo I think…" Dani's voice trailed off and she jumped as she heard the sound of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's panicked shouts. Dani and Leo winced at the loud clangs and bangs drifting out into the too quiet atmosphere, followed by shouts from Optimus for Ratchet to quit harming the frontliners.

"I think it'd be a good idea to replace the tools," Leo whispered, his face as white as a ghost. Dani nodded, knowing her face had to be the same color. Moving quickly they retraced their steps, taking care to avoid being seen as they gathered up the hidden tools and snuck back into the med bay. They quickly replaced them and all but sprinted back out of the room before splitting up and heading for their respective rooms. Dani trembled as she heard the sound of Ratchet being forcibly dragged back to med bay by Ironhide, who was snarling that the mech would be fixing the weapon he had damaged immediately.

_'Well we know not to do that again,'_ she thought as she cringed at the sound of Ratchet's disbelieving shout. Dani sighed as she dropped face first onto the bed. She and Leo owed Sideswipe and Sunstreaker big time. The girl had a feeling that they would be doing the two mechs' bidding once they found out who it was that had brought the wrath of Ratchet down upon them for quite some time.


	23. Chapter 23

**Rule 65: Be serious on the battlefield.**

The smell of scorched metal and the sound of exploding weaponry surrounded Dani as she crouched down behind some bushes. A simple outing with the Autobots had quickly turned into a firefight as Starscream and his minions had decided to stage an attack. Dani and Sam had quickly gotten separated and she was frantically scanning the battlefield and its surrounding areas when she spotted him.

Once again Sam was on the run with a Decepticon hot on his tail. She noticed with a snort that it was Frenzy, or at least a bot that looked like him. She shook my head slightly with a faint giggle. Sam always seemed to attract the small ones that were as fast as he was. Feeling smug and secure in my hiding place Dani decided to have a little fun with Sam.

"Run Forest! Run!" she called out. She was surprised that Sam could hear her over the noise but judging by his reaction he did. Dani watched as he turned slightly and screamed something that she didn't catch before resuming his frantic dash. The teen continued to giggle as she watched the scene. She wasn't going to let Sam live this down anytime soon!

The feeling of a cold piece of metal nudging her back stilled the laughter in Dani's throat. Swallowing hard, she slowly turned her head to see another Decepticon standing behind her, smirking, as he pressed his gun to her back. Obviously he had managed to steal up behind her while she was laughing at Sam. This had to have been what Sam had been trying to warn her about.

With a scream Dani took off running, her own personal Decepticon hot on my tail. Within a matter of minutes she had caught up to Sam, who managed to shoot her a smug look that was out of place during this particular moment. Apparently Sam wasn't going to let her live this down either.


	24. Chapter 24

**Rule 68: The 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' Song Is Banned**

**Credit to violentluck for the idea behind the rule**

Sam was unknowingly to blame. He had no way of knowing the chaos that that particular ringtone would cause. It probably wouldn't have…if a certain pair of twins hadn't heard it.

The first few times it had been funny. The image of Skids and Mudflap dressed up in banana suits with a pair of maracas as they sang this was both hilarious and a bit disturbing at the same time. By the fiftieth time though, the amusement had worn off and it began to get old…really fast.

Ironhide began to walk around with what Dani feared would be a nasty permanent twitch in one optic. How it didn't affect his aim she didn't know. She sure didn't want to find out though.

Ratchet ran out of wrenches to hurl at the twins. That was a surprise. She thought he had an endless supply of them at his disposal. That was a handy bit of information to know.

Prowl had taken to wearing earmuffs. How the frag he had acquired a pair that size was beyond Dani's comprehension. The sight of him strolling by, earmuffs on with a data pad in hand, never failed to amuse the teen.

Finally Sam and Dani had had enough. A quick conference and they came up with the perfect solution. Quickly gathering up their ammo, they waited until the twins walked by singing the song before they struck.

Amongst their shouted curses, Sam and Dani hurled peanut butter and jelly bread at them. Several pieces later and they were so full of gunk that they could barely move. Ratchet didn't even bother lecturing the two teenagers. Dani was sure he was secretly pleased by their unique way of getting the twins to shut up to even think of a lecture.


	25. Chapter 25

**Rule 69: You're Not an Energon Vampire**

**No offense to any Twilight fans intended. I used to be one. Only for the wolves though. I'm now on Team Switzerland. And said argument on vampires and sparkling really is a source of debate among a couple of my friends lol.**

Boredom strikes again. Not to mention being overexposed to certain sparkly vampires. Dani felt that she could be a better one. After all, the old familiar argument going around was that real vampires didn't sparkle. She wanted to be a more unique one; one that was different from any previously created version of a vampire.

Putting on a black sheet that she had found, Dani began to slink around the base. She received looks of amusement from the humans she passed. So long as she wasn't bothering them they saw no harm in allowing the girl to continue her antics.

Spotting her first 'victim', Dani slunk up behind him as quietly as possible. When he turned, she drew the sheet across her face and hissed out her statement.

"I'm an Energon vampire! I vant to siphon your Energon!" she hissed. Jazz stared at the teen for a moment before bursting into laughter. Feeling somewhat deflated, Dani moved onto the next unsuspecting victim, leaving Jazz to stare after her still snickering.

This scenario continued to play out in the same manner with each victim. Ratchet even 'helpfully' pointed out an accessible area. She had a feeling he was hoping that she would really try. Finally, Dani spotted her last victim and slunk over to him.

"I'm an Energon vampire! I vant to siphon your Energon!" she hissed. Sideswipe began to laugh and as the teen tossed aside the sheet in frustration at not being taken seriously he asked a question to further sink her spirits.

"Do you sparkle?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Rule 73: Elmo Is Banned. Period.**

**Credit goes to Prototron MJ Tornada for the idea behind this rule**

Barney was out. It turns out that Optimus wasn't the only 'Bot that had issues with the purple singing dinosaur. Pretty much everyone on the base did. So Sarah had to find another educational show for Annabelle to watch.

Eventually, she settled upon 'Sesame Street'. It was a suitable choice to most of the 'Bots, with Sideswipe immediately comparing Ironhide to Oscar the Grouch. Said comparison got the red mech a few fresh dents and scratches to his paintjob. The comparison made Dani snicker even as she was glared at in return.

Everything was going along smoothly, Annabelle was happy and there were no purple singing things to make them glitch. The show seemed to be a harmless educational show…until Elmo popped up. Then all hell broke loose.

The puppet's grating, nails-on-the-chalkboard annoying voice and his unnatural unblinking stare freaked out not just Annabelle but several of the Autobots who happened to be around as well. You would think that a Decepticon had suddenly materialized on the screen. Hell, you would think Megatron himself was standing there taunting them. The chaos was that bad.

In the end Ironhide solved the problem in the most natural way for him. After assuring Annabelle was safely out of the way he took aim and blasted the TV, and Elmo, into a smoking pile of metal. He then exited the room with a laughing and clapping Annabelle, leaving the rest of the assembled Autobots and Dani to stare at their destroyed form of entertainment.

Sideswipe to this day continues to call 'Hide 'Oscar' whenever he can. Watching 'Sides take yet another beating from the annoyed mech Dani snorted in amusement. Oscar the Grouch did fit him indeed. It was a shame that they didn't make trashcans his size.


	27. Chapter 27

**Rule 75: Do Not Sign Sam Into A Mental Ward**

**Credit goes to StoleTheSpider's unnamed friend for the idea behind this rule**

Dani smirked as she watched Sam and Leo walk past, deep in conversation. She could barely contain her glee as she prepared to put her latest prank into action. Sam's rambles about the symbols in his head and Leo's memory, as he described to the girl after some careful prodding, about Sam's kitten calendar spazz out was the ammunition Dani needed.

Telling Sam that they were heading to drop off some donated goods at the hospital, Dani managed to contain her amusement as they pulled into the parking lot. Gathering up the materials, Sam obediently went inside with the items to speak with the proper person about the donation. Dani promised to meet up with him after going to the little girl's room.

After a few minutes a doctor happened to walk past and Dani quickly got his attention. Speaking in low murmurs she gestured to an oblivious Sam and spilled out his 'reality issues'. Immediately the doctor called over two orderlies and gestured towards Sam. Immediately they grabbed a startled Sam and began to drag him away. Snickering to myself, Dani turned to leave…only to find herself being 'escorted' after Sam. Apparently her gleeful reaction made them realize that she needed some observation as well. She should have figured this prank would backfire.

Once they had 'settled' the two teens in, they were allowed to make a phone call. Not wanting to have to deal with a lecture from Lennox, Sam and Dani decided to call Simmons instead. Upon arriving, the doctors took one look at him and the next thing they knew he was standing beside them behind the thick locked doors of the observation ward. Yeah, Simmons had obviously been a bad choice.

Dani finally broke down and called Lennox. After he finished alternately laughing and lecturing the girl he debated on whether to leave them in there or not. It took a hell of a lot of begging, pleading and favor giving before he was convinced to come bail the trio out. Understandably the doctors were sad to lose such prime subjects and told the three to come back anytime. Not a chance in hell that was happening.


	28. Chapter 28

**Rule 79: Doing the 'Robot' Is Offensive**

"What in the name of Primus is he doing?" Ironhide growled. Sideswipe shrugged, keeping his eyes on a twitching Sam.

"Having a seizure?" he offered. Dani snickered and decided to enlighten them before Ratchet carted Sam off for numerous tests.

"He's dancing. It's called the 'robot'," she said innocently. Oh the outrage those words caused.

Immediately all Autobots watching began to voice their disapproval. Apparently Sam had offended them…greatly. They then began arguing amongst themselves about how none of them ever moved like that.

Sam and Dani watched silently, surprised by their reactions. Seeing that some of the arguments were growing heated and knowing that this could go on for hours they decided to interject. The two of them didn't exactly help matters any.

"It was just a dance move!" Sam shouted, struggling to be heard over the roar of loud voices. A very much offended Jazz stepped forward, glaring at the two teens. He motioned for them to clear a path, which they quickly did. Seeing Jazz that annoyed was rare and usually didn't bode well for the source behind his annoyance.

Jazz immediately pulled out a fantastic set of dance moves, his acrobatic moves thoroughly stunning Sam and Dani. The grace and power behind them just left them speechless. All they could do was stand there and stare. They had known Jazz could move but damn could he MOVE!

"Now that is how you dance!" Sideswipe called out. Seeing the smug looks on their faceplates, Sam and Dani merely turned and left the room. They would stick to dancing out of Autobot sight from now on. Especially out of dance master Jazz's.


	29. Chapter 29

**Rule 80: Tasers are not toys.**

Dani cackled evilly as she pulled the Taser from its hiding spot in her room and headed for the rec room. Leo was deathly afraid of Tasers, and for good reason. To this day no one ever lets him live down the National Air and Space Museum incident. It was there that he had developed his phobia to the small device.

She entered the room and spotted Leo on the other side, talking quietly to Sam. Smirking evilly, the girl pulled the Taser out and activated it, the electric cackling sound carrying across the room. Leo immediately stiffened and whirled around to face Dani, eyes wide. At the sight of the Taser he gave an almost girly squeal and ran from the room, one hand covering his privates. Sam wasn't too far behind, afraid of being on the receiving end of the device. Every bot and human in the room laughed and Dani heard Ratchet approach me.

"I think you should chase Leo with that," he chuckled, his blue optics twinkling. Dani frowned as she gazed up at him.

"Why?" she asked in confusion. It wasn't like the normally serious and grumpy mech to actively encourage behavior that could result in harm to another, no matter how minor the injury. Ratchet's lip plates turned up in an evil smirk.

"Well if you give him another good shock to his genitals then we can pray that he cannot reproduce," he replied. Dani's eyes widened and her jaw dropped open slightly in surprise. Ratchet was advocating trying to neuter Leo?

Deciding that statement was rather mean, even for Hatchet, Dani applied the Taser to his leg in an attempt to draw an apology from him. He chuckled and smiled, as if being tickled, and the incident with the power lines at Sam's house sprang to mind. Apparently he had gotten a bit of an addiction to the tingly feeling, so the Taser had no effect but to feed that feeling slightly.

Dani sighed and shook her head. She should have known that that wouldn't have worked. She turned and exited the room in search of Sam and Leo. At least she would be able to draw an appropriate response from them.


	30. Chapter 30

**Rule 83: Do Not Have Contests To See Who Can Transform The Fastest**

Sideswipe started it. He decided to call the weapons specialist out. When boredom hits Sideswipe it never ends well for anyone.

"What do you want, glitch?" Ironhide snapped. Dani settled back in a comfortable yet safe location to observe what was sure to be an impromptu fight. A fight that would have Sideswipe enduring Ratchet's tender loving care before being turned over to Prowl for provoking the hot tempered mech.

"It's a wonder you don't get slagged up on the battlefield. I mean it takes you at least an hour and a half to change! Must be all the rust clogging your gears," Sideswipe taunted with a smirk. Dani's jaw dropped in shock. Sideswipe apparently had a death wish today. Judging by what she almost swore was smoke rising from Ironhide's helm he would be more than willing to fulfill said wish.

"That's not true!" Ironhide growled, pulling his cannons out of subspace to level at the cheeky red frontliner.

"Prove it!" Sideswipe shot back with a chuckle, pulling his arm blades out and pointing them at a livid 'Hide.

"Hold on! Let's settle this the gentlemanly…mechly…way. We'll have a duel," Dani said quickly to prevent the fight she was now positive was coming. The two of them nodded and put their weapons away. At the count of three the duel began, and Dani had a bad feeling that this definitely wasn't going to turn out very well.

For at least thirty minutes, Dani and a few other humans and 'Bots that had drifted over watched the two trying to prove who could go from their alt mode to 'Bot mode the fastest and back. That many changes in such a short span of time was putting more stress than usual on their gears and disaster was waiting to strike.

"Slag! Call Ratchet!" Dani called out as the two 'Bots were suddenly stuck in the middle of a transformation. She winced at the unnatural positions and the growled threats exchanged. Was that Ironhide's foot by his helm? Dani shuddered. This was something that she didn't even know could happen and it looked painful as hell. She watched Ratchet yell and whack them with his wrench before beginning to straighten them out. She knew one thing; she would never encourage something like this again. It made her whole body hurt just watching.


	31. Chapter 31

**Rule 85: Karaoke Is Banned**

Yet another 'great' idea that ended really horribly. This time it wasn't the 'Bots that banned this. It was an unanimous vote by all of the fearful and traumatized humans. How rare was it for this to happen.

Dani and the others convinced 'Bee to be our jukebox, not that it took too much. Anything that made the humans, especially Sam and Mikaela, happy he was willing to do as long as it didn't put them in danger. So as Dani was helping Bee choose songs, Sam and the others were rounding up Autobots. Once gathered they sat back and allowed the fun to begin.

The Chevy twins were up first and immediately launched into the banned 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' song. Dani and Sam's hands twitched but unfortunately they had nothing to launch at them. Luckily Ratchet had another solution.

A few whacks from a wrench silenced the twins and they chanted for him to sing. After much glaring and muttering he broke grudgingly into the song 'It's A Small World'. A loud chorus of groans emitted from the humans and judging by the smirk that appeared on his lip plates that was the reaction he had been hoping for.

Sideswipe made some derisive comments about the other's singing before taking his turn. With a self-confident smirk he began to sing 'I'm Too Sexy'. There was silence before everyone burst into laughter, the Autobots laughing the loudest. 'Sides skulked back to his seat, fuming and muttering how none of them had any taste.

After much cajoling and a direct order from a highly amused Optimus, Ironhide stepped forward. With many deadly glares at the smirking human faces, he started belting out 'Highway to Hell'. To get his point across and end the fun, he finished with 'It's the End of the World'.

An awkward and fearful silence fell over the room and Bee immediately shut off his radio and backed away from 'Hide. With an evil grin he left the room and Dani shuddered. It appeared that they were going to need to watch their backs for awhile.


	32. Chapter 32

**Rule 86: Do Not Let the Autobots Watch 'Men in Black'**

**Credit to myself for the idea behind this rule**

For a while now this had been bugging Dani. She had to know if there was any truth to any of the movies. Her reasoning was being that since they were aliens themselves, maybe the Autobots might recognize some of the aliens shown. Even if there was just a tiny resemblance.

So she gathered as many Autobots as she could Optimus included, into the Rec Room. Dani waited until they were settled for another Movie Night and popped in the video. She took a seat where she could observe the Autobots as the movie began to play.

Throughout the movie Dani continued to watch their facial expressions for any sign of reorganization. About halfway through, when she was beginning to grow discouraged, Sideswipe chuckled. He nudged Optimus, who was sitting beside him, and spoke.

"Hey! That looks like that one guy! You know…oww!" Sideswipe's words were cut off by a wrench to the helm, courtesy of a glaring Ratchet. Dani pouted as they made it through the rest of the movie with no further outbursts. They knew something and they were holding out on her!

For the rest of the week Dani pestered the 'Bots about exactly who 'that one guy' was. All she received were glares, cannons pointed her way, wrenches brandished at her and blank stares. She finally threw up her hands and gave up, more than a little aggravated. She didn't know who 'that one guy' was but she was pretty sure Sideswipe wasn't talking about a guy back on Cybertron.


	33. Chapter 33

**Rule 100: Using DeviantArt For Revenge Is Wrong**

'Huh, wonder if they eased up any on the parental controls?" Dani thought as she cautiously opened a web browser. A quick check proved that her favorite fanfiction site as well as a few others was still banned…afts. She leaned back in her chair thoughtfully before a devious idea hit her.

"Ban me from my favorite sites will you?" the girl muttered as she began to search Google for incriminating images to use against the 'Bots. She grinned as several immediately popped up and clicked on one in particular and quickly found herself on the website DeviantArt. She had browsed some other pictures, more innocent ones, on this site once or twice. To think that she had had a hidden gold mine of blackmail at her fingertips all this time made her giggle to herself.

"Jackpot!" Dani shouted then quickly shoved her laptop underneath the stack of homework that still needed to be done just before Ironhide stuck his head in the door. She smiled innocently at him and at the sight of it his optics narrowed suspiciously.

"What are you up to?" he growled. The teen waved a hand at the messy stacks of paper before pulling out a sheet of math homework and waving it at him triumphantly.

"Found my math!" she replied. Ironhide rolled his optics and muttered something under his breath.

"If you would organize your desk then maybe you could find your work a lot easier," he said before withdrawing and continuing on his way. Dani stuck her tongue out and pulled the computer from the papers, flipping it back open and scanning through the treasure chest just waiting to be shared.

"Holy…is that even possible?" she muttered as she studied a particularly graphic and well-drawn picture of two mechs together in a very compromising situation. What made her even happier was the fact that apparently people here were as determined to pair certain humans and 'Bots up as people were on her fanfiction site.

Cackling quietly, she turned on the printer and, after enlarging it to the largest size the printer would go, quickly printed out the first picture. Several more pictures followed in quick succession, though she shuddered as she printed out one in particular. She would definitely have a hard time ridding herself of this image.

"Ok I have the material…now I need the help copying and posting them around," the girl mused. Her mind immediately turned to Sideswipe and she grinned again as she leapt to her feet and tucked a certain picture in her pocket.

Stepping out of her room, Dani closed the door tightly and quickly glanced around. Anyone watching would have known instantly that the teen was up to no good as she did her best spy impersonation, humming the 'Mission Impossible' song as she did so. Luck was with her as she found the very mech she was looking for alone in his quarters, polishing his blades.

"Sideswipe! Just the mech I've been looking for!" Dani chirped as she slid into the room. He immediately retracted his weapons and tossed the rag aside, eyeing her suspiciously.

"What do you want, shorty?" he asked. Dani glared at him briefly at the nickname but decided to let it pass. After all, the humans were short compared to him.

"I need your help with my revenge," she said. Sideswipe grew even more suspicious. He knew all too well how most of Dani's schemes turned out.

"What is it?" he asked. Despite his reservations she could hear the hint of curiosity in his voice and had to fight the urge to dance with glee.

"I was browsing the net…" she got no further before he crossed his arms over his chest plates and shook his head firmly.

"No," he growled. Dani sighed, knowing that her puppy eyes wouldn't work on him. I

She was going to have to bring out her newly acquired secret weapon.

"'Sides, if you help me, this…piece of art will remain out of the public view. Well, at least the public view around here," the teen snickered as she pulled the picture out and held it up. He leaned down to inspect it and a look of sheer horror flashed in his optics and he shuddered violently.

"Oh Primus that is so wrong! Where did you get that?" he snarled. Dani merely smirked as she remained silent and he vented in resignation, another shudder wracking his frame as he caught sight of the picture again.

"What do you need me to do?"

"What the slag!" Ironhide's bellow woke Dani the next morning, causing her to jerk and fall out of bed.

"Ow," she muttered, rubbing the back of her head as she stood. Her eyes widened as she realized that her little 'gifts' had been discovered, and she immediately scampered out of her room to enjoy the show, though she was careful to remain hidden.

Dani laughed silently as she watched 'Bots and humans alike scramble around to grab and destroy the rather dirty images that were posted in various places, being careful to avoid looking each other in the eyes or optics. She snickered as she made her way back to her room. DeviantArt would soon be on the list of banned websites but the chaos it had caused was well worth it. Dani pulled out a single picture she had kept hidden and smirked.

_'At least I can count on Sideswipe to help me again.'_


	34. Chapter 34

**Credit to xXAutocon-Leader for the idea behind this oneshot.**

**Rule 101: Do Not Send Ratchet To Shock Therapy**

"Ratchet, Optimus sent us with a message," Dani began as she and Sam stepped into the med bay. Ratchet turned away from the project he had been working on to focus his attention on them. The two teens had to suppress a sudden onset of laughter before continuing.

"He thinks you need some therapy for your…anger issues," Sam said. Dani could hear the faint note of laughter in his serious voice and had to fight to keep her own face set in a concerned expression.

"Therapy? What kind?" Ratchet asked, surprise and the faintest hint of suspicion in his voice. Dani gazed up at him innocently, a look you would think that he would recognize all too well as a sign of mischief.

"He said something about shock therapy," she replied. He looked even more surprised then shrugged and agreed. If Optimus had ordered it who was he to question orders? The two teens escaped the med bay and managed to make it a safe distance away before laughter overtook them.

"Do you think it will work?" Sam asked as we headed down the hall towards the rec room. This time it was Dani's turn to shrug.

"Given that he enjoys the tingly sensation let's hope so. He seemed to perk up after that Taser jolt," she snickered. Sam glared at her for the reminder of that day but said nothing as they entered the rec room. Now all they had to do was sit back and await the results of their latest scheme.

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

"You did WHAT?" Optimus' voice was incredulous as he stared at the two sulking teenagers before him. Sam and Dani shuffled their feet, as if they were standing before the principal…which in a way they were. Optimus could put their high school principal to shame with just one stern look.

"We would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids," Dani muttered, drawing a choked laugh from Sam and a single raised optic ridge from a confused Prime.

Everything had been going well until Skids and Mudflap had overheard them talking one day. The two mechs had quickly spread the word about Ratchet's mysterious trips until it reached Prowl. He had immediately hauled Sam and Dani into Optimus' office before going to retrieve Ratchet and stop his 'therapy' sessions.

"We figured it might help cure his addiction and his anger issues," Dani said. Optimus shuttered his optics and pinched the bridge of his nose before speaking again.

"The only fitting punishment I can see is letting Ratchet deal with you. Report to the rec room and I'll send him to you when he returns with Prowl," he said firmly. He lowered Sam and Dani to the ground and watched as they exited his office, resignation evident in the slump of their shoulders. It was only after they were gone that his lip plates turned up slightly and a chuckle rumbled in his chest.

"Those two are as dangerous as both sets of twins when bored," he mused before turning his attention back to the data pad in front of him. He imagined he would hear about the fallout from this little stunt later from Prowl.

"Here he comes!" Sam hissed nervously as he and Dani heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the hall. They immediately ducked behind Bumblebee, who made a sound of protest. After all, they figured he could slow down the medic as they made their escape.

The teenagers peeked out from behind the yellow scout's leg as Ratchet strolled into the room, wrench in hand, with Prowl following close behind. He shot them a stern look as if to say 'get on with it' and Dani took a deep breath before speaking.

"Umm…Ratchet? It wasn't Optimus who was behind the therapy, it was us. We're really, really sorry," she said, her words jumbling together as she and Sam prepared to flee the room.

Ratchet stared at them for several tense moments, leaving everyone to wonder just what kind of torture he was devising. To their shock, as well as everyone else's, he merely gave them a slight smile and a half-hearted wave of his wrench before turning and leaving the room. The sound of silence was broken as Prowl glitched and fell over and Sam spoke.

"Huh, guess it worked."


	35. Chapter 35

**Rule 102: Do Not Try To Subdue Autobots**

"Never thought I'd say it but I miss the old Ratchet," Sam sighed almost a week later. There was a general agreement from every bot in the room, even Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. Ever since Sam and Dani had sent Ratchet off to therapy he was a totally different mech. Even Optimus and Ironhide were uneasy about the change in their normally grumpy Chief Medical Officer's demeanor.

Visits to med bay were suddenly a less terrifying experience, at least for humans. For mechs it was even creepier than usual. Ratchet was almost always too happy and cheerful, his wrenches actually being used in the manner it was designed to be instead of being swung or thrown at someone in irritation. He had even stopped to compliment the Chevy twins, causing Prowl to glitch again. That settled it; they needed the old wrench wielding Ratchet back.

"Since this is our fault it's up to his to fix it, but how?" Dani sighed as she paced absently in front of Sam. He said nothing, his mind working to come up with a solution. Finally, he slumped back in his chair with a sigh.

"How about restraining him and having Jolt shock him back to his senses?" he suggested. Dani thought about it for a moment, pondering on the many ways that it could go wrong, then sighed herself. It was a long shot but it was the only idea they had.

Bumblebee and Jolt were all too happy to help, both unnerved by the new and improved Ratchet. After ensuring that the other mechs were busy elsewhere and wouldn't interfere, Sam and I called Ratchet into the rec room. His recent personality change had resulted in a more trusting Ratchet and he stepped into the room without hesitation, the smile he usually wore now on his face.

It was all too easy to restrain him and Sam and Dani stepped back to avoid getting hit by Jolt's electricity. The girl felt guilty, and she knew Sam did too, as they watched Jolt zap the medic silly. Though the end result was what they had wanted to achieve.

"What the…" Ratchet's voice was groggy as he came to his senses and instinctively tried to rise to his feet. Upon discovering that he was tied down, his eyes flashed as a snarl etched itself on his lip plates. He began to curse; at least that's what they assumed that was what the flow of words streaming from him as he began to struggle against the restraints.

Once assured that he was back to his normal grumpy and irritable self, the four of them turned and fled the room. Though they knew that they would eventually have to face the wrath of Ratchet and his wrenches, it didn't mean that they were that eager to face it just yet. The two mechs and humans scattered in four different directions as they heard Ratchet's loud voice bellow from the rec room. After all, even he couldn't be in four places at once.


	36. Chapter 36

**Credit to elita13 for the idea behind this oneshot**

**Rule 103: Do Not Frame Sunny and 'Sides**

Sideswipe had it coming. Dani had been thinking of ways to pay him back for reminding her, complete with near identical reenactment and results, of the spider incident. One thing kept coming to mind and she smiled evilly as she began to plot. It was too bad that Sunny got caught up in the scheme; though it ended up making the revenge that much sweeter.

After donning a pair of plastic gloves that she had swiped from the med bay, Dani crept into their adjacent rooms and snagged the special cans of paint that they painstakingly covered themselves in and crept back out. Halfway down the hallway a new idea hit and she grinned deviously as she turned and snuck back into their rooms with their paint cans. This would be good!

Later on the twins returned from a particularly grueling day of training with Ironhide and went straight to their rooms. Dani snickered silently as she watched from a prime hiding spot that she had scouted out earlier. The teen knew that they were going to touch up their scratched pain jobs, as they usually did after a battle or training session.

Suddenly a pair of almost feminine screams echoed throughout the base, startling everyone. 'Sides and Sunny ran out of their rooms, clutching their paint cans with horrified looks on their faceplates. As everyone rushed over to see what they were screaming about, including Dani as she slipped out of her hiding spot to join everyone else, they stopped dead in their tracks. A brief moment of silence filled the air as they stared at the scene before breaking out into hysterical laughter.

Sunny had cherry red spots covering his scratches, while 'Sides had sunshine yellow over his. The two mechs took one look at each other and shouted "YOU" before lunging at each other. Each was intent on beating the slag out of the other for mistakenly believing that they had deliberately messed up each other's paint jobs. Everyone was too busy laughing to even try and separate the two cursing mechs, Dani included.

Knowing that she was in danger of giving herself away with her almost hysterical laughter, she hastily composed herself and slipped away to avoid arousing suspicion. A smirk blossomed on the teen's lips as she left the sounds of the chaos she had created behind. Previous pranking experience and avoiding the blame paid off well. So did watching all of those crime shows on TV.


	37. Chapter 37

**Credit to Zsign KRay for the idea behind this oneshot.**

**Rule 106: Do Not Switch Ironhide's Cannons**

It was official; Dani and Sideswipe were bored. Being bored can be dangerous when it the two of them separately. When it hits both at the same time and they get together, no one is safe from the two pranksters.

Their latest target was Ironhide, which wasn't necessarily the best choice of mechs to mess with. It had been awhile since he had been pranked though; it was the only choice that Dani and Sideswipe could agree on. Now all they had to do was wait for the perfect time to strike; namely when he went into recharge.

Now you would think that being so paranoid about an unexpected Decepticon attack Ironhide would be quick to wake at the slightest hint of movement or sound. Instead he was the heaviest recharger on the base. It was the moment that they had been waiting for.

Sideswipe and Dani were still careful to be as silent as they could as they crept towards him. This might be the one time that he would decide to wake unexpectedly. Enlisting the help of a few other bored Autobots, they quickly and quietly removed the recharging mech's cannons and replaced them…with confetti cannons. They then crept out as silently as they had crept in, snickering quietly to themselves. This was going to be a sight to see!

Ironhide never suspected a thing when he woke from recharge. He still didn't suspect when he and a few others encountered some Decepticons. He did realize it immediately when he went to fire his cannons at the Con he was facing…only to have high powered confetti erupt instead of his usual firepower.

He and the Con were so surprised that they stopped in mid battle. They stared at each other for a moment, confused, before staring at the confetti littering the ground and covering the Con. They looked back at each other, shrugged, and went back to fighting. Just because his cannons were temporarily out of commission it didn't mean his fists were.

After returning from the battle, he immediately set about questioning everyone. Upon discovering that Sideswipe and Dani were behind the idea, he quickly came at them with his new cannons blazing. He kept firing confetti at the two as he chased them around the base, demanding his old cannons back. Dani should have realized that even if it was confetti it would still hurt like hell when being fired from a cannon.


	38. Chapter 38

**Rule 108: Do Not Send The Autobots Valentine's Day Cards**

"You know, I don't think the Autobots have really experienced a Valentine's Day before," Dani said as she, Sam, Leo, and Mikaela met privately in their usual spot, a part of the base very rarely used. They had exchanged their own cards and gifts upon arriving. It seemed a shame to leave the Autobots out of this yearly tradition.

"Maybe we could get them cards or something," Leo said. Mikaela's eyes brightened and Dani giggled as Sam groaned. They knew that look all too well.

"We could make some for everyone! You know, write different messages on them and send them anonymously," she said. Dani perked up at the idea as the two males exchanged glances though Mikaela and Dani could tell that even they were intrigued by the idea.

Gathering the proper materials, the four humans proceeded to cut out huge hearts until they had the proper amount; then they set to work personalizing them. Some would contain a dirty little secret or suggestion; others would contain really cheesy and embarrassing pick-up lines. Once finished they proceeded to inspect their handiwork and were pleased with themselves. Surely the Autobots and humans would get a kick out of these!

The deliverer of the messages was Wheelie, dressed up in a diaper and carrying a bow and a quiver full of heart tipped arrows. They gave him the finished cards and sent him on his way. Then they headed out to a table and sat back to enjoy the show.

The first recipient was the loveable grumpy medic Ratchet. His loud scandalized shout and curse reached the humans' ears and they wondered if he had received a dirty card or a cheesy one. His shout was loud enough to shake the table that they were sitting on, Sam grabbing onto Mikaela to keep her from falling off.

They thought we heard the sound of a wrench bouncing violently off a wall, but the sound of cannons being fired drowned it out. If they weren't mistaken they knew exactly who those cannons belong to and Leo turned to us and shrugged.

"Guess 'Hide didn't like his card," he said and they all snickered.

Throughout the day as Wheelie continued on the mission his Warrior Goddess had given him the sounds of screams, shouts and curses filled the air. No one could seem to look each other in the eyes or optics and black scorch marks littered the ground in no discernible pattern.

It took a great effort on the four humans' parts to conceal their amusement and look as scandalized as everyone else. They didn't want the recipients to get wise to their hand in their 'gifts' after all. Especially given the extreme and sometimes violent actions that resulted from them.

Dani and the others had to admit that this had been a memorable Valentine's Day, though the best was yet to come. They watched as Optimus passed by silently, the funniest look of mortal embarrassment on his faceplates as he held his card gingerly in his hand. A short time later they heard the sound of his cannon being fired repeatedly and noted that when he passed by again his card was conspicuously missing. Dani waited until he was out of hearing range before turning to her coconspirators and uttering a falsely innocent statement that sent them all into hysterical laughter.

"I guess he didn't like his card either."


	39. Chapter 39

_Finally we have a new chapter! I had to go fix earlier chapters so this fic *crosses fingers* is within the guidelines. I really don't want to face another ban for something that I can easily fix. Again I'll state these small stories are based off of StoleTheSpider's fic. Hasbro owns the Transformers and related characters. I only own the OC I'm using. Also, I do not in any way,shape or form make any money off of this whimsical fic._

**Credit to annabellelennox for the idea behind this oneshot**

**Rule 107: Do Not Change A 'Bots Holoform**

One of the coolest things about the Autobots in Dani's opinion were their holoforms. Most of the time they preferred to retain a human form that was close to the age they were approximately in our human years. They could change everything about their appearance, with the exception of the trademark Autobot blue eyes. The older mechs preferred to keep their holoforms simple and low key in order to blend into society better. Some of the younger ones though liked to experiment with theirs, with Sideswipe being the most notorious for it.

He tended to change his holoform whenever he was bored, which lately was quite often. Most times it was simply a hair color, style or clothing. Sometimes though he changed it into things intended to scare everyone, humans and Autobots alike. Today he decided to go with the most terrifying thing that Dani could think of: Barney the dinosaur. Annabelle was thrilled at the sight of it though.

Perhaps activating it on the battlefield wasn't the brightest idea, given the nature of it. Some Autobots though argued that it was a well thought out and genius plan and were surprised that it had come from Sideswipe. All in all it made for an interesting and disturbingly eye open experience.

Everything had been going normal in battle, well as normal as things went in such a situation, until Sideswipe activated his holoform. The minute Optimus spotted the purple and green dinosaur dancing happily onto the battlefield, singing, he seemed to totally flip his processor. Engaging his Energon sword, he rushed at the unsuspecting holoform with a shout and proceeded to slice and dice it to shreds. Then just as suddenly he reverted back to the cool, calm and collected Optimus that they were all familiar with, gazing at everyone in curiosity as they simply stared at him.

Neither Sideswipe nor Dani had the speaking capabilities at that time to inform the Autobot leader that he had just brutally decimated Sideswipe's holoform. They were too stunned, as were the other Autobots and humans around, about how fast Optimus had flipped out and reverted back to his normal regal persona. Apparently they weren't the only ones.

The Decepticons that been fighting with the Autobots were equally as stunned and more than a little terrified. Dani turned to Sideswipe as the Cons turned and fled the battlefield and whispered a comment to the silver mech.

"And I thought I hated Barney."


	40. Chapter 40

_**Just a quick note. I'm going to be undergoing back surgery on the 25th and I'm not sure how long it'll be before I can sit back up and type. I'm going to try and update one last time next week and hopefully after that it won't be too long before I'm back on my feet.**_

**Credit to myself for this idea behind this oneshot.**

**Rule 110: Do Not Wrestle On Base**

Letting the Chevy twins watch too much TV is not a good idea. Dani knew that and so did everyone else. Letting them watch it without a parental block? An even stupider judgment call. Given their proclivity for violence and watching people beating the slag out of each other, it was only a given that they would eventually stumble onto professional wrestling. What no one really thought about was that they would gorge themselves on a marathon of it.

After watching countless hours of scantily clad men beat each other senseless, they decided that they wanted to become professional wrestlers. The whole 'do not try this at home' message never even registered in their processors.

They made up names for themselves and began to practice. The only thing separating this from their normal fights was their attempts to imitate the moves they had seen; and their hitting each other with chairs and other objects more frequently.

After almost a week of this Ironhide and everyone else had quickly grown annoyed with their antics, Ironhide especially. It seemed no matter how many times he yelled at them or threatened them they refused to listen. On the day that it seemed Ironhide had yelled at them for the hundredth time it happened; the twins forgot who they were talking to and actually thought that they were the characters they were pretending to be.

Skids had shot back a response that Ironhide should make them stop and proceeded to go about their 'practice'. This would have been forgivable if Skids hadn't allowed his mouth to keep running. Apparently he had modeled himself after a particularly loud and obnoxious character and it was not going to end well.

Ironhide had again threatened to 'knock some sense' into the twins and Skids had taken it as a challenge. He shot back with the response that Ironhide was unable to do anything due to the rust buildup that had accumulated in his old age. The room immediately fell into shocked silence, the only sign as to how ticked off the weapons specialist was being the twitching of his left optic. Dani honestly believed that he was too shocked that Skids would dare to smart off to him like that to act immediately.

He then proceeded to call Ratchet, who had been observing the whole scene, over for a private conference. Together, the two mechs turned and proceeded to show the twins the true meaning of a 'smack down'. Everyone winced as the twins quickly learned that age and experience would always win out before turning and exiting the room, leaving the twins lying in a tangle of limbs. It was quite the spectacle to see, though Dani did feel a bit sorry for the unconscious twins.

Shortly afterwards a parental block was instigated on the TV, ensuring that the twins would be unable to repeat their mistakes. Thus their dreams of being professional wrestlers were put to rest permanently.


	41. Chapter 41

**Ok so hopefully the next update won't be too long in coming. The surgery should be fairly simple and the recovery time will hopefully not be too long and will allow me to get another chapter written fairly quickly.**

**Rule 111: Do NOT Mess With Ratchet and Ironhide's Paint Jobs**

**Credit to elita13 for this idea**

Everyone on base knows not to mess with Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's paintjobs. You will be hurt…badly. Dani had always assumed that they were the only two mechs who were vain about their paint jobs. She had never thought that she would meet any mechs, outside of Knock Out, who was just as fussy about their paint jobs as the twins. She assumed wrong.

She found it out completely by accident. She was bored, again. Everyone knew that the best way to cure boredom was to pull a prank. So that's what Dani decided to do…and her two targets just happened to be two of the heaviest rechargers on the base, Ironhide and Ratchet. Her weapon of choice: Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's special paints.

She could barely contain her gleeful laughter as she waited for Ratchet and Ironhide to slip into recharge. Once she was sure that they were, she snuck into the hangar that they were temporarily sharing, due to the med bay undergoing some renovations and certain Autobot quarters undergoing same renovations. Making sure that she pulled on another pair of gloves that she had swiped from med bay to hide her fingerprints, she set to work.

Dani decided to start with Sunny's yellow paint and dipped the paint brush into it. Then she decided to imitate Picasso as best as she could and flung the paint in a splattering pattern first on Ironhide then on Ratchet. She then repeated the process using some of Sides' cherry red paint. She alternated back and forth between paints before calling a halt. She stepped back and gazed at her 'masterpieces' with a critical eye and deemed that they were beautiful. She dashed back out of the room, barely withholding her laughter, to dispose of the evidence. She then returned to her room, snickering quietly. She could hardly wait to see the results of her work!

The next morning the two mechs emerged from recharge as usual and transformed. Their optics widened as they got one look at each other before gazing in horror at themselves. In tandem two names were shouted out, well more like roared, before the two paint splattered mechs took off to wrench and beat the pair of who they thought were guilty mechs off the planet.

"WHAT THE SLAG?"

"WATCH THE PAINT!"

"WE DIDN'T DO IT!"

Everyone could hear the shouts of protests from Sunny and Sides and Dani cringed as the sounds of a wrench meeting metal and fists raining down on the two innocent Lambo twins reached her ears. As one Autobots and humans ran from all directions to pull the two enraged mechs away from the cowering twins before they managed to do irreparable damage even as they continued to protest vehemently.

Dani made sure to slip away from the scene as nonchalantly as she could even as a sigh of relief escaped her. She was very glad that she had remembered to wear gloves and had disposed of the evidence thoroughly after she had finished. The last thing the girl wanted was to be turned into a squishy human pancake by two pairs of highly slagged off mech pedes. And she had the feeling that 'Sides and Sunny would do just that, the 'no harming humans' rule be damned.


	42. Chapter 42

**Ok so my recovery is going slow but steady. I had the surgery Monday, was out of the hospital by Tuesday and I'm now at least able to sit up for a bit at the computer. Here's to hoping the rest of my recovery goes as smoothly! Oh, check my profile for a link to my Livejournal. I'm going to be posting this fic as well as several others there as well. **

**Rule 114: Do Not Hum Dramatic Music**

"This is so slagging boring!" Dani moaned as she, Sam and Leo joined a few of the Autobots, Ironhide and Mirage to name two, on patrol. So far they had seen nothing but the flat drab land and it was beginning to bug them. You would think there would have been some sort of wildlife to see at least!

Ironhide said nothing, though the three teens could sense his irritation. He debated on reminding them that they had been the ones to want to come. Next time he would simply say 'no' as his instincts had urged him to. He was a fighter, not a babysitter.

"Next time let's just…" Sam's words were abruptly cut off as Ironhide screeched to a stop and threw open his doors.

"Everybody out…NOW!" he barked. The trio scrambled to obey, running off several yards to watch the unfolding scene as the 'Bots took on a few 'Cons that had decided to pick a fight. Now they were going to see some action!

"About damn time something happened!" Leo whispered. Dani rolled her eyes as Sam punched the other male in the arm, drawing a muttered 'ouch'. This was the same Leo that had been blubbering like a baby during the Egypt battle. Dani pointedly reminded him of said behavior and received a glare in return.

They silently watched the action unfold, the Autobots running circles around the Decepticons. From what the teens could see it wasn't that hard to do. In fact these 'Cons seemed to be a lot less challenging than some of the others. This was like playtime for the 'Bots. Eventually the inevitable happened; the three teenagers grew bored by the seemingly stalled battle.

To amuse themselves, they decided it would be fun to hum the appropriate theme music from various horror movies at certain moments. From time to time they received annoyed glares from both Autobots and the Decepticons, as it distracted them from the business at hand. Of course said glares didn't faze the trio one bit.

The climax came when they spotted Mirage slipping into invisible mode to stalk an unsuspecting 'Con. They began to hum the 'Jaws' them, growing louder and louder as they guessed how close Mirage might be to his target. The poor 'Con didn't know what to make of their behavior and simply stared at them even as they reached the finale and Mirage took him out.

They were so amused by their own antics that the three teens failed to notice that the one mech that was growing more and more irritated with them was a certain weapons specialist. When several pointed glares failed to register with them, he decided to drive home just how annoyed he was with all the unnecessary noise. Sending the confused 'Con he had been battling to the ground and making sure he was unarmed, Ironhide then turned and began to fire at the ground several feet in front of the three humans. This sent them fleeing from the battle, more intent on escaping the Autobot's wrath than humming anything.

The trio remained quiet as they rode back to the base inside of a still annoyed Ironhide. They remained as quiet as church mice and made sure to move only when necessary. They jumped when Ironhide suddenly spoke, as he laid down one firm rule that all of the other 'Bots, those that had been present and even those that hadn't, all agreed on.

"The three of you are NEVER coming on patrol with us again!"


	43. Chapter 43

_**Just a quick note: updates will most likely be slower in coming. I'm currently working on a new novel as well as trying to unblock myself on my second book in a series at the same time. I will be continuing but the updates will be a bit slower.**_

**Rule 116: Do Not Call Sideswipe 'Sidekick'**

"He is not better than me!" Sideswipe's snarled words were accompanied by a glare that rivaled his twin's and made the person it was directed at run from the frontliner quivering in fear. It had absolutely no effect on Dani. She merely smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"He is too," she replied. Sideswipe's glare grew even darker.

'He is NOT!" he growled.

"Is so," Dani shot back coolly.

"He is NOT glitch!" Sideswipe shouted, beginning to lose the tenuous grip on his temper. Other humans glanced their way and quickly went about their business as they felt the anger radiating off of the cherry red mech. Whatever Dani was up to they wanted no part of it.

"Face it 'Sides, Sunny is the better twin. You are just his sidekick," Dani finally said with a snicker. Sunstreaker, who had been standing nearby observing the exchange with some amusement, visibly straightened in triumph. He shot Sideswipe a smug 'I told you so' look before turning and walking off, leaving Sideswipe to direct his furious glare after him.

"He…is…NOT…better than me!" the enraged mech hissed before skating off in agitation. Dani laughed as she watched him leave. It was always so much fun to push his buttons and get him riled up! Though after several glares she received from Bumblebee later and a stern lecture from Optimus about provoking Sideswipe the girl began to rethink that particular line of thought.

Upon leaving Sideswipe had made a beeline for the weapons range, intending to take his annoyance out on some innocent targets. Unfortunately, Sunstreaker just happened to be there as well, getting in his own practice. Upon seeing his twin, Sideswipe just had to prove that he was better than him.

Taking his own place as close to Sunny as he could, Sideswipe began to fire rapidly at the targets. Unfortunately he was so distracted in his attempts to best his twin that he failed to notice the yellow scout standing nearby.

Bumblebee let out a startled sound as he ducked a wild shot, his quick reflexes and Sideswipe's distraction being the only things that kept him from getting his helm shot off. Sideswipe continued to fire, ignoring the shouts of him to pay attention to where he was shooting. He never paused to acknowledge his mistake…at least not until Ironhide suddenly appeared to drag him away for a lesson on concentrating on your target instead of showing off.

Shortly after that, Optimus dropped by for a 'chat' and Dani was forced to apologize to a dented and extremely irritated Sideswipe, who was going to have to deal with Ratchet and his grumpiness. She was then assigned to give Bumblebee a thorough detailed car wash as an apology to him, which in truth she didn't mind as she was feeling guilty that he had gotten caught up in her little game. Maybe this would teach her to think twice about pushing Sideswipe's buttons. Then again…knowing Dani probably not.


	44. Chapter 44

_**Sorry about the wait! My novel has taken up most of my free time lately. Keep an eye on my profile I'll post there if I decide to discontinue my fics or not. Anyways, enjoy!**_

**Rule 118: Do Not Encourage Cannonballs**

It was official: the Autobots needed a break. They had spent several days in a row kicking Decepticon aft all over the place and their exhaustion was beginning to show. So it was decided that they needed a break; though in all fairness they weren't the ones to make that decision. After several days of being followed around and harassed by certain teenagers, they decided that perhaps they did need a break after all. Maybe it would shut the humans up. The idea of the beach was approached and off they went for some fun in the sun.

Upon arrival, Skids and Mudflap set out to make sand forts, with Sideswipe and Bumblebee joining in. Soon it had degenerated into a sand ball fight, with the two teams hiding behind their respective forts for protection. Even Wheelie got into it, though it wasn't voluntarily. His shouted obscenities rang out as he was picked up and launched like a squirming metallic missile. Dani and the other teens even learned a few new words!

Ratchet stood off to the side, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. Dani could hear him muttering about how sand was going to be a pain to get out and how it would take him away from more serious injuries. Optimus merely chuckled and shook his head. Despite the medic's complaints, Dani caught a gleam of amusement in his optics as he watched the antics of the twins and Sideswipe and Bumblebee. She wondered if maybe he was placing a mental bet on the outcome of the fight.

Ironhide stood off to the side, watching and listening Sam, Mikaela and Dani carefully. Primus only knew the danger those three could get themselves into without supervision. He noted that they were having a 'cannonball' contest and were in the middle of arguing playfully over who had done it the best. After listening to the three tens for several minutes and recalling how the 'cannonball' was performed, the weapons specialist decided to put the argument to rest in the way only he could.

Taking several steps back, he launched himself forward towards the water, copying the trio's movements precisely. When he hit the water, his splash was big enough to send water washing up onto the shore, taking out the sand forts and sending the mechs who had stopped to watch the proceedings toppling over. Ignoring the new unleashed torrents of obscenities from Wheelie, Ironhide smirked as he stood and strolled out of the water proudly. While the three teens heard Ratchet and Optimus congratulating the mech on his impressive dive, the teens could only stare after him. There was definitely no question now as to who had won that particular contest.


	45. Chapter 45

**I apologize for the slow delays. I'm attempting to work on finishing an original book at the same time and school will be starting up again soon so updates might be even slower. Until next time hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Rule 120: Don't Taunt Sideswipe With Your Flu**

**Credit to myself for this idea**

"I hate being sick!" Dani grumped as she blew her nose for what seemed the hundredth time that day. She seemed to be more susceptible to colds and illnesses in the winter. She wasn't quite sure why and she wasn't about to ask Ratchet. Her headache would only worsen if she listened to his lecture about it.

This time though it was the flu instead of an ordinary run of the mill cold and the girl was miserable. She wandered out of her room and down the hallway towards the rec room. She didn't realize that she wasn't the only one who didn't like it when she was ill.

Dani had vaguely noticed during previous times that at the first signs of illness, Sideswipe made himself scarce. She began to pay more attention this time around that whenever she got close to the mech he would give her a terrified look and slowly inch away. Dani frowned as she reached for yet another Kleenex. Did being sick make her smell or something?

As she blew her nose again, she saw Sideswipe flinch and move even further away before exiting the rec room altogether. Her watery eyes widened as an evil grin crossed her lips as the pieces suddenly fell into place. Oh she was going to have fun with this little gem of knowledge!

Throughout the day whenever she happened to cross paths with Sideswipe, Dani began to make noises as if she was going to vomit or let out a sneeze. The girl couldn't help but laugh as he let out almost girly sounding squeals and bolted from the room, moving even faster when she began to cough. She did this as much as possible before Sideswipe put an end to the game.

The frontliner approached Optimus and begged to be sent out on a longer than normal patrol, hoping to stay gone long enough to allow Dani's illness to run its course. Upon being turned down by an amused Optimus, he bolted into his room and stayed there until Ratchet tracked Dani down.

The teen was confined to her own room until she was over the worst of her illness, with a promise that he would have proper food and drink brought to her. Dani snickered to herself as she went to lie down on her bed for some much needed rest and relaxation. Now she knew the best way to amuse herself the next time she got sick.


	46. Chapter 46

**_*groan* I can't believe I uploaded the wrong chapter! Thank you Devil-O-Angel for letting me know! Here is the correct chapter!_**

**Rule 121: Do Not Show Megatron Care Bears**

**Credit to Jimanji for the idea behind the rule**

Megatron hates Care Bears. He hates them almost as much as he hates Optimus and the Autobots; it's possible his hatred for the Bears surpasses his hatred for the 'Bots. Something about them seems to creep him out. Maybe he caught a glimpse of one of their shows and the happiness gave him nightmares. It sounded like something Starscream would do just to get a rise out of the Decepticon leader. The Autobots found this little piece of amusing information completely by accident.

For the Autobots it started out as your average I'm-going-to-destroy-you fight. As usual, Dani stood well out of the line of fire, rooting for the 'Bots. It wasn't that she didn't have faith in them; it just gave her something amusing to do and a way to annoy the 'Cons at the same time.

During one of her excited jumps a familiar pink bear fell out of her backpack. It was the last of Annabelle's stuffed toys and Dani fully intended to keep it from being blown apart by certain paranoid mechs. She picked up and inspected it carefully for signs of damage. As she did so she thought she saw one of the Decepticons flinch from the corner of her eye. She turned her head in curiosity and found Megatron eyeing her with an expression that she, and she was positive no one else, had ever seen before.

Dani turned slightly and held up the bear higher experimentally. This time there was no missing the full blown shudder that wracked the mighty Decepticon leader as he stared at the small stuffed animal. All movement stilled on the battlefield as every mech turned to watch this amusing and unsettling turn of events play out between the 'Con leader and the innocuous pink bear.

Humming the Care Bear song, Dani proceeded to make the cheery little bear dance in the air and she heard the sound of Starscream and several other mechs laughing their afts off at Megatron's reaction. Another shudder wracked his frame and he visibly flinched again. He shot the teen a look of pure horror and a trace of fear blazed in his red optics.

Dani could only blink as the 'Con turned his weapons towards her, fully intending to blast both her and the poor innocent stuffed animal to Cybertron. Before he could even think of firing he was tackled by Optimus and the battle resumed.

It ended with a thoroughly humiliated Megatron calling for a hasty retreat, leaving the Autobots snickering at the memory of his reaction to a harmless pink stuffed toy. As Dani hitched a ride back to base with a highly amused Jazz, she smirked. She had a feeling that no matter how many beatings he got Starscream wouldn't let his no longer fearless leader live down the Care Bear incident.


	47. Chapter 47

**_Monday I lost a very dear friend of mine who, while I might not have met her in person was very close to my heart. I'm not sure when I'll be posting again as my heart is broken and at the moment I cannot seem to type without bursting into tears. Please bear with me and I'll update as soon as I can._**

**Rule 122: Suction Cup Hangings Are Included With Car Accessories**

**Credit to annebellelennox for the idea behind the rule**

Dani was still annoyed that the scented pine tree hangings didn't work out. Idly browsing a store she hit upon the next back thing…those section cup things. She had seen several amusing signs that fit certain Autobots and the best thing was that they stuck onto windows! So the 'Bots could be fashionable without the worry of shredded materials clogging up their gears!

The girl snickered as she purchased the appropriate ones. She could only imagine what Optimus' and Ironhide's reactions would be! The trick was going to be making sure that they never found out that she was the one behind it. While Optimus might have a sense of humor…Ironhide did not. The teen would most likely end up being used as a way of Ironhide testing out his aim on a moving target.

One day Dani finally made her move as they recharged in their alt modes. Taking care to move slowly, so as not to awaken her oblivious targets she opened their driver side doors and struck. Dani carefully pressed one sign to Optimus' windshield and another to Ironhide's window. She had to shove a fist into her mouth to stifle her laughter as she quietly closed their doors and ran away. She could hardly wait to see their reactions!

The next day when Optimus and Ironhide came out of recharge they switched to their 'Bot modes and were immediately greeted by an uproar of laughter. They glanced at each other in confusion as they froze. What had brought on this so early in the morning? They glanced down at themselves and surprise flashed in their optics.

On Optimus' chassis, right on his windshield was the suction cup with the sign that read 'Wide Load'. The one on one of Ironhide's door wings was the sign that read 'Baby On Board' right on the window. The fact that it was so fitting given his mother hen mode when Annabelle was around made it even more hilarious.

"Who's responsible for this!" he roared his optics flashing as he glared around the room. Optimus joined in the laughter even as he shot Dani a knowing look. The enjoyment he was getting at the weapons specialist's expense outweighed his discomfort at his own sign.


	48. Chapter 48

**_Slowly running out of these. Once I finish up what I have written that'll be it for this particular adventure...and I'll post more to this if I manage to get anymore written._**

**Rule 125: Do Not Show the Autobots the 'Shattered Glass' Universe**

**Credit to xXAutocon LeaderXx for the idea**

Dani couldn't help the evil cackle that escaped her as she stared at her laptop. She even rubbed her hands together in anticipation of the carnage she was about to unleash. The Shattered Glass universe was a gold mine just waiting to be harvested. Everything in that universe was the opposite of theirs. Allegiances, personalities and heck even some names were different. This meant that showing this to the Autobots would invoke chaos and panic. A good person would never unleash such mayhem upon the poor unsuspecting 'Bots. It was a shame Dani wasn't a good person because that was exactly what she was about to do.

The teen made a beeline for Optimus, her face set into an appropriately worried expression. She had him come down to her height and presented him with what she had on her laptop, which had detailed explanations about everything and everyone in that universe. Then she just casually happened to let it 'slip' that that universe was the very near future for them.

Dani watched, careful to keep the smirk off her face, as Optimus stared at the information. She blinked as he nearly pulled a Prowl; especially on seeing the human hating Decepticon Nemesis Prime which was his alternate self. What nearly sent him over the edge was the thought of a caring, human loving alternate of Megatron.

Optimus immediately commed the others and within seconds, several mechs came barging into the room. Their shouts of shock and disbelief and concern over the pictures Optimus sent them rang out through the room and Dani had to block her ears momentarily until they settled slightly in deference to her fragile hearing. Optimus knelt down again and, speaking for the others, who were panicking, asked how they could prevent this from happening. Dani again hid her smirk and instructed that they had to be super nice to the humans for the rest of the month. She was surprised at how readily they agreed. Even Ratchet and Ironhide bought into it.

The next day, Lennox and his men were really confused as to why Ironhide had been so easy on them during their training session. They were even further confused by Ratchet not swinging his wrench at anyone and the Chevy twins' surprisingly polite behavior. Lennox eventually tracked the young girl down to see if she knew the story.

After informing the rest of the humans as to why the 'Bots were acting so weird there was a round of loud laughter. Immediately a betting pool was set up on which 'Bot would crack first and how long it would take. Dani snickered as she placed her own bet. Her money was on Ratchet.


	49. Chapter 49

**_Almost through with this particular fic, unless I find more to write. Though given that my 'creative writing' class is sucking all the creativity out of me we shall have to see LOL. Anyways enjoy!  
><em>**

**Rule 126: Never Make Eye/Optic Contact With Others While Eating A Banana**

**Credit to supergirlprime for the idea**

"Slag!" Dani cursed as Ratchet suddenly appeared in the doorway. She glared at him. She had just snuck a cookie out of her secret stash and here he was turning up like a metallic jack-in-the-box. She was going to have to search the room thoroughly for the camera that she was now positive he had installed in her. She was sure he had one there for the sole purpose of thwarting her attempts at sneaking in a sugary snack.

"Language," the medic scolded as he knocked the cookie from her hand and deftly replaced it with a banana. Dani glared at the mech then at the offending fruit. She was really getting sick of these healthy snacks! It was almost enough to make her decide to forgo snacks all together.

Still annoyed, the teen pretended that the banana was a gun and 'fired' it at Ratchet with a loud 'BANG'. Ratchet merely smirked and she glared at him as she placed the banana on the table and crossed her arms over her chest. He could stand there until he began to rust she would not eat that damned banana!

Eventually hunger got the better of her and Dani began to eat the banana. She continue to glare at the visibly amused medic as she tried not to think about how much better her poor cookie would have tasted. She was still munching away underneath Ratchet's careful supervision when Sam and Leo walked into the room and stopped dead in their tracks.

At first Dani didn't notice them, too intent on keeping up her silent nonverbal argument with Ratchet. When she did, the look on their faces puzzled her. They were giving her the oddest stares and she noticed that Sam was actually blushing. The teen continued to stare back at them, still eating her banana. Suddenly her eyes widened as the pieces fell into place and she remembered exactly what it was she was eating and how it most likely looked.

Dani immediately blushed as the whole thing suddenly got really awkward. Ratchet frowned, glancing from the girl to the two males and back, not understanding the situation. His sensors were picking up a change in pheromone levels within all the teens and he inquired as to what was happening. It only served to make the situation even more awkward.

Sam and Leo were the first to flee the room, not wanting to be the ones to explain things to Ratchet. Dani glared after them before fidgeting slightly underneath the weight of the medic's gaze. She finally stood, trashing the banana, and made a hasty retreat herself. The next time Ratchet decided to give her a banana she was going to walk away, no matter how hungry she may be.


	50. Chapter 50

**_I figured that since I posted another chapter of my other fic I'd post another one to this one as well. Thank you to all my reviewers, signed and unsigned. It's you guys that keep me writing =)  
><em>**

**Rule 128: Never Pretend That You've Changed Your Personality**

The Autobots were confused. Even Ratchet didn't know what to think. Dani's behavior was so…unlike her that it had thrown everyone into a loop. Even Sam, Mikaela and Leo were disturbed.

Dani didn't pester Ironhide at all. She willingly ate only healthy food, minus bananas, and willingly went to her checkups with Ratchet. She was quiet all day and listened to Prowl's orders, nearly causing said mech to glitch.

When the twins pranked her, the girl simply smiled and went to clean herself off. She acted respectfully around Optimus and the higher ranked government. She even assisted a suspicious Galloway with some paperwork.

Dani continued this change in her personality for two weeks. She would be the first to admit that it was hard, especially around Galloway. But the end results were worth it. She had everyone completely freaked out.

Ratchet continued to give the teen medical scans every hour, one of the things she wasn't all that thrilled about. But he did return her junk food so she considered it a draw there. Ironhide was hovering over her like a mother hen, making her feel like Annabelle. The twins stopped pranking her and Sideswipe even offered to let the girl drive his alt mode. Optimus…well Dani didn't even want to remember how he had reacted, though she would say that it had been very unexpected and she still didn't know what to make of it.

Eventually the game was up, given away when Dani let out an excited squeal at Sideswipe's offer. The damage of her little prank had been done though; the Autobots were now even more cautious and watchful over her. Now anytime she did something that went against her normal personality she was immediately whisked away to med bay for medical scans. It got old pretty quickly.


	51. Chapter 51

**_Another update! Creative writing has been...well as I said in my other updated fic been killing my creative writing. Hope you enjoy this!_**

**Rule 129: Doughnuts Can Be Dangerous**

It was just another day at the Autobot base. Well, a day that contained a recent Decepticon defeat. Sam, being the loveable spaz that he is, decided to celebrate. His celebration included a poor unsuspecting Bumblebee. Dani cringed; she had a feeling that things were not going to go well.

Dani and the others watched as Sam asked the mech to transform. Once Bee was in his alt mode Sam jumped in. He somehow managed to gain control over Bumblebee, mostly likely through bribery, and proceeded to begin to spin his guardian out onto the grass…and began to perform doughnuts.

Everyone watched silently as he performed many, MANY doughnuts. Clumps of grass and dirt were flying everywhere, hitting several of the humans watching and drawing muttered curses at the same time. Dani noticed that Sunny stayed well out of range…fragger. Primus forbid anything scratch his paint job. He was as bad as Knock Out!

"How much longer is he going to do that?" Lennox whispered to Epps and Dani. She shrugged and quickly ducked another chunk of flying grass. This time the girl heard Sunny let out a snarled curse and she giggled quietly as he stomped off. Guess he hadn't been as far out of range as he had thought.

"I guess as long as Bee lets him," she replied as she remained in a half crouched position. The two men quickly joined her as they watched Sam continuing his doughnuts with no signs of stopping. Bee quickly called a halt to his 'celebration'.

Without warning, the now extremely dizzy mech ejected Sam from the interior of his alt mode. Sam landed on his aft and watched in surprise as Bee transformed to 'Bot mode and stumbled off into the woods. The sounds of vomiting commenced and everyone cringed. Dani had never stopped to wonder if they could do that; though given the fact that Bee had 'lubricated' on Simmons once it shouldn't have been such a surprise. She snickered at the memory then quickly sobered as the yellow and black striped mech stumbled back into view.

Ratchet performed a thorough checkup of Bumblebee and declared that he would be just fine, eventually. He shot Sam a stern look, who looked extremely guilty at the thought that his unthinking antics had hurt his guardian. His guilt only increased as Bumblebee couldn't walk straight for several weeks afterwards. That was the last time he ever did doughnuts using Bumblebee.


	52. Chapter 52

**_Just a few more left and this fic will draw to a close. I reserve the right to add to it should I discover anymore to write once I make it as complete so you never know ;) hope you enjoy this one with Sides discovering that the other mechs don't like being used as pillows!  
><em>**

**Rule 131: All Mechs Must Be Fully Out Of Recharge Before Leaving the Hangar**

**Credit to Sheekblack for the idea**

It was official: Ironhide was craze and out to kill everyone. Somehow he had gotten the oh so wonderful idea that everyone needed to have early morning drills in order to be better prepared. Yeah, this was so not Dani's idea of fun or the way she wanted to wake up. Even Optimus couldn't get out of this mess.

So here it was, another morning where everyone was up at the crack of dawn, running around. Dani glanced around blearily and noticed that most of the humans and 'Bots were still half asleep. The problem was standing still made it so much worse.

Sideswipe was the one that was the most out of it. You would think that being a frontliner; it would be easier for him to fully awaken in a short amount of time. Sunstreaker surprisingly was. Guess even some 'Bots needed a certain amount of rest.

Sideswipe was teetering on the edge, dozing off into a light stasis every now and then until Sunny poked him back to semi-consciousness. Eventually though Sideswipe couldn't fight it anymore and he fell into a deep stasis. Unfortunately he happened to lean right on Ironhide.

The weapons specialist let out an annoyed growl and shoved cherry red mech off of him and onto Ratchet. Ratchet immediately shoved him off and onto a bewildered Optimus. By this time the humans had moved to a safe distance to watch the Cybertronian version of Hot Potato play out.

Dani couldn't help but laugh at the sight. It was nothing but a huge game of pass along, as mechs pushed the recharging 'Sides off of them and onto others. Sunny just stood by, laughing his aft off as he watched his brother being passed around. He was still laughing when Sides was jerked abruptly out of recharge as he hit the ground. The laughter quickly stopped when 'Sides came after him for allowing the whole thing to happen. Dani could say one thing about this morning's drill; her abdominal muscles got quite a workout from laughing so long and hard.


	53. Chapter 53

**_Another update since I'm totally annoyed with my Creative writing class. I needed to write something creative for a change. Hope you enjoy!_**

**Rule 136: April Fool's Day Is Not A Real Holiday**

**Credit to T.M.D. for the idea behind the rule**

April Fool's Day; a day in which people pranked each other. It wasn't a real holiday. The Twins didn't care. It was the perfect excuse to explain their pranks they pulled on this day.

The day started out normally. Ratchet was in the process of chasing down Lennox for his checkup, a sight that never failed to amuse Dani. Though she tended to run from Ratchet during checkup time herself. She was pretty sure they all did, even Optimus.

She walked past Leo and Sam, who were in the midst of another fight over the cereal. The girl simply shook her head as she continued on her way. Boys were very strange creatures indeed.

She peered into the rec room and had to stifle the 'awww' in her throat. Annabelle and 'Hide were sitting on the floor, playing. The 'awww' threatened to become full-fledged laughter as she realized that 'Hide was having a tea party with Annabelle. Oh if only she had her camera!

A sudden shout from Optimus' quarters startled them all. Humans and 'Bots immediately stopped what they were doing and rushed towards his quarters. Optimus very rarely shouted; even if the Twins and Dani broke something he still doesn't shout. So as a consequence they were all freaking out as their imaginations went wild.

Everyone reached Optimus' room at once; amazing considering that they'd come from all different directions. Ironhide made a motion and they stepped back as he entered the room before them.

For several tense seconds no one moved. When Ironhide let out a loud shout of his own the humans jumped as their nerves grew worse. Optimus AND Ironhide both shouting? Not a good thing.

"Wait here," Lennox said sternly as he and Ratchet ventured in next. Seconds later Sam, Leo and Dani heard them shout and they jumped again. The three teens glanced at each other. What were they supposed to do about this?

Sucking up their own courage, they rushed into the room all at once. Only the moment they stepped inside they were knocked to the floor as something green and slimy splashed down on top of them.

Stumbling to their feet, the trio looked at themselves and discovered that they were covered in…slime? They heard grumbling and cursing from various in the room from Optimus, Lennox, Ironhide and Ratchet and saw that they were as thoroughly covered as they were.

Laughter suddenly rang out throughout the room and as one everyone looked up. Sunny and Sides were hunkering in the rafters, holding a now empty and dripping slime coated bucket. Their laughter dried up quickly as Ironhide and Ratchet began to shoot at them…rapidly. Sam, Leo and Dani slid and stumbled out of the way as the Twins somehow managed to get down in one piece.

Their pedes had barely touched the ground before they were off and running with Ratchet and Ironhide were chasing after them, still shooting rapidly. The three teens glanced to Optimus, who merely turned to go get cleaned up. It was more than obvious that he wasn't going to even try and stop the two enraged mechs.

The humans winced as they exited the room to go get cleaned up themselves. The sound of weapons firing and loud shouted curses made them cringe. That has to be quite possibly one of the worst punishments that Optimus could have given the Twins.


	54. Chapter 54

**_I may have found a few more rules to write but not sure how long that will take. In the meantime I hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

**Rule 140: Do Not Call Megatron A 'Divasaurus'**

"Thank Primus for easing up on parental controls," Dani muttered as she browed a couple of fanfics, safely from the comfort of her room of course. It was a long and dull night, meaning that no disasters or other incidents had befallen the base, and the girl was again putting off what she needed to do, that being her homework. So she had decided to check out some stories as she chatted with Mikaela.

The fact that Mikaela was also putting off what she needed to be doing was not lost on Dani. The two girls were almost as good as Sam and Leo at avoiding things they considered non important. Of course said things usually turned out to actually be important and the four teenagers spent quite a bit of time in trouble for their procrastination.

Dani and Mikaela had been trading emails all night, growing more and more amused as they came up with nicknames for some of the Decepticons. They had to admit though that their favorite by far was what they had come up with for Megatron.

"Divasaurus?" Dani couldn't help but spit her Coke out as soon as Mikaela suggested that. She could almost imagine the other girl doing the same thing even as she had sent the suggestion and Dani couldn't stifle the mad giggles that escaped her. The name certainly fit him!

The 'Diva' part was perfect in regards to his pompous speeches about taking down Optimus and his hissy fits whenever someone did not address him properly as being 'Lord Megatron'. The 'Saurus' part? Mostly because he's Primus only knows how much older than the dinosaurs that used to roam the Earth.

As the two girls continued to laugh over said nickname, they had no clue that they had a silent observer to their antics. Soundwave had unobtrusively hacked into their laptops and was monitoring every message sent…and sending said messages to Megatron at the same time. Now why hadn't they even stopped to consider that possibility? Perhaps they hadn't counted on Soundwave having nothing better to do.

Several minutes later Dani's laptop dinged, signaling a new message. She frowned as she saw that it was from an unknown sender. She hesitated before opening it. She could only hope that it wasn't a virus. No, it was actually much worse.

Dani paled as she read the message, written in huge capital letters that seemed somehow more threatening than they should. That could be because the email came from Soundwave, and the message had been written by Megatron himself. Dani shuddered. The Decepticon leader had stated his intention to hunt down both girls and terminate them should they continue to use the 'Divasaurus' nickname in regards to himself.

Dani quickly shut down the email system and shut off the computer, somehow sensing that Mikaela was doing the same thing. She set it aside and gazed around the room suspiciously, still shivering. Megatron had made his point loud and clear!


	55. Chapter 55

**_Only have 2 more of these written then it's the end of this fic. I'm eyeing a few more that I might be able to write so once I complete this if I write anymore this will be updated. Enjoy this chapter!  
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**Rule 143: Never Play 'Truth or Dare' With the Lambo Twins**

**Credit to Optimus' girl for this idea**

"You humans do WHAT?" Sideswipe roared with laughter even as Sunstreaker let out a derisive snort. Dani merely rolled her eyes. Why had she expected them to understand anything about a human activity?

"So all you humans do is sit around in your 'pajamas' and talk? What's so special about that?" Sunstreaker sneered. Dani crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at the two twins.

"No that's not all we do SUNNY," she spat. She ignored the dark glare and growl she got in the use of said hated nickname and continued her explanation.

"Sometimes we watch movies and sometimes we play games," she finished. Sideswipe immediately looked intrigued.

"Games? What kind of games?" he asked. Dani hesitated for a moment. Why did she suddenly have a bad feeling about answering that particular question?

"Well one of the more popular ones is Truth or Dare," she finally answered. This time Sunstreaker looked interested by her words.

"Truth or Dare? How's that played?" he asked. By this time Mikaela had joined in the conversation and she exchanged a worried glance with Dani before explaining the rules of the game. By the time she was finished the twins were more than eager to play the game.

Mikaela and Dani should have realized that the twins would turn this into an opportune moment to cause mischief. While they stuck to Truth, the twins always chose Dare. The bad thing was that their dares were growing more and more dangerous. The two girls didn't know how to close the can of worms that their game had opened and made a note to remain on guard in case they needed to run in a hurry.

The game continued until finally Sunstreaker came up with the boldest dare yet: Sideswipe had to go into med bay and actually give Ratchet a hug. The two human females could only stare in shock as Sideswipe stood, winked, and began to skate towards the med bay. He disappeared inside and the girls covered their eyes. They just knew that Sideswipe was going to be coming back out in more pieces than he went in with.

A quick peek proved them wrong. Their eyes widened and jaws dropped as Sideswipe dashed out of the med bay, online and in one piece, cackling madly. Following him were several wrenches and curse words from one very irate medic and Dani and Mikaela shuddered. Primus help the next mech that needed to see Ratchet before he had a chance to calm down! They still couldn't believe that he had managed to pull that one off!

Dani and Mikaela decided that it was time to quits, only to find that Sunstreaker and Sideswipe weren't ready to quit playing yet. They settled back down on the ground in resignation. Somehow they got the sense that the dares would soon be centered around Optimus and Ironhide and they could only hope that they would have time to get out of the way before one very angry weapons specialist came looking for revenge.


	56. Chapter 56

**_One last rule after this and this fic will be wrapped up. As I noted before even if I mark this complete I still reserve the right to add new rules should I find any to right. I do hope you enjoy this one as well!_**

**Rule 150: Stop 'Spilling' About Megatron**

**Credit to Angelzodica013 for the idea**

Dani couldn't be blamed for this one. Starscream was at fault; though Dani just happened to conveniently be around to overhear things. Megatron really needed to put a muzzle on his second in command.

It was another day, another battle. During a lull in the battle Dani over heard an interesting exchange between the two mechs. She remained hidden as she listened, an evil smirk blooming on her lips. This was going to be interesting.

"Why are you here Starscream? You should be out battling the Autobots!" Megatron growled. Starscream waved a clawed servo in the air.

"Oh please Lord Megatron like we have a chance of winning! You must have been dropped on your head as a sparkling…many times! It would explain why your plans never seem to work out!" he sneered. Megatron merely stared at him for a moment and Dani wondered if he was going to glitch out like Prowl. Then she winced as she watched the Decepticon leader began to show Starscream just what he thought about that particular observation.

Dani winced at the sights and sounds as she crept away but that evil smirk still remained in place. The mere sight of that smile quickly aroused all Autobots' suspicions and no matter what bribe, threat or lecture she got would she spill her plan. She wouldn't even tell any of her other usual partners in crime. No if she was going to do this she would go down alone. She was pretty sure this was yet another life threatening situation she was about to engage in but the results, she hoped, would be worth it.

So here we were, one week later. The Decepticons pulled yet another insane stunt and attracted the Autobots' attention. Everyone was engaged in battle but there were two in particular she was looking for. She finally spotted them, engaged in hand to hand combat, and smirked. This was the opportunity she had been waiting for!

"Hey Megatron!" she called out. She waited until the Decepticon leader glared her way before continuing.

"Optimus told me about your little secret! I never knew that you were a berth wetter as a sparkling!" she finished with a snicker. The battlefield halted into an eerie silence as all optics turned to focus on the once again humiliated Decepticon leader.

Megatron immediately turned back to face Optimus, who had the classic deer in the headlights look. What Dani found startling was the mixture of hurt, anger and embarrassment on the mech's face. Wow she had only made that up on the spur of the moment. Who could have known that it was apparently true?

"I really am disappointed in you Optimus! I thought you were better than this!" Megatron hissed, trying to ignore the roars of laughter as every mech, 'Bot and Con alike, dropped to the ground.

"I didn't say anything Megatron! I swear on my honor!" Optimus replied quickly. The two mechs fell into a heated verbal argument, with Optimus swearing he hadn't said anything and Megatron demanding to know how the 'annoying little insect' had found out. In the end the Decepticon leader called for a retreat and left, his still snickering troops following close behind.

Later that evening, as Dani endured a solid hour long lecture on spilling secrets that weren't supposed to be spilled, Dani couldn't help but laugh quietly to herself. She had to admit that the results of her unexpected comment had been priceless. How was she to know that it had been the truth?

She watched the Autobot leader exit the room, his normal grace lost underneath his agitation at what had occurred on the battlefield. She continued to snicker quietly as she reclined back on her bed. The hour long lecture and the certainty that she was now permanently etched at the top of Megatron's personal hate list had been worth it just to see the look on the mech's face!


	57. Chapter 57

**_Here we are, last chapter in the fic. I hope you've enjoyed these and keep an eye out because you never know if I'll find another one to write and add to this. I've really enjoyed trying my hand at comedy and I'm glad you came along for the ride! Thank you to StoleTheSpider for allowing me to use her rules. Hopefully I'll find a few more to add to this!_**

**Rule 151: Do Not Test Frozen Turkeys Against the Autobots**

**Credit to myself for this idea**

They should have listened to her. Dani had told the Autobots that there was one deadly adversary that they could never beat. When they demanded to know what it was she had told them: frozen turkeys. Ironhide immediately laughed off the notion before noticing that Dani was serious. She knew the inner strength of the bird. The Autobots would just have to experience it for themselves.

So she gathered up all of the mechs who were certain that they could handle the barrage of the frozen birds attacking them and led them down to the weapons range, carrying a large heavy bag full of the birds. She moved them into position before loading up the new custom made turkey cannon, courtesy of an amused Wheeljack. She took aim, took a deep breath and let the birds fly.

The first victim to fall underneath the assault was Sideswipe. He took a vicious blow to the helm by a bird that seemed to fly by with no real target and went down with a loud crash. His cursing reached Dani's ears and she smirked. One mech was down, but there was still plenty more victims to go through.

The next to fall was Bumblebee, taking a hit directly to the chassis. Sunstreaker followed shortly, cursing viciously. Dani giggled quietly. If the vain mech didn't want to have his paintjob ruined he should have kept his mouth shut.

One by one the remaining mechs began to fall, loud groans, moans and curses blistering the air. Dani couldn't help cackling as the sweet sound surrounded her. She had tried to tell them but of course they hadn't believed her. In this case they should have just taken her word for it instead of demanding proof.

Ironhide by this time was the only mech left standing. He had been rapidly and successfully shooting the birds down in mid-air when any dared to come his way. His self-satisfied smirk spoke volumes of his confidence in his ability to remain strong against such puny objects. Dani's own smirk grew evil as she turned the cannon his way. She changed the setting from 'stun' to a level she called 'ooh that's gotta fraggin' hurt' and unloaded on the weapons specialist.

She had to admit that Ironhide was tough. He took a lot of the turkey abuse for several minutes. But soon even he was felled by the strength and force of his frozen nemesis and fell beneath the weight and force. His own surprised curses joined the others as Dani turned off the cannon and blew off some imaginary smoke from the barrel. She walked around and studied the results of the turkey's handiwork and winced. Broken windows, dented metal, chipped armor and busted tires were just a few things that had been left behind as evidence of the frozen birds' victory. She shook her head as she listened to Sunstreaker moaning about his paint job and turned away with a self-satisfied grin. Ratchet was going to have a Pit of a time fixing all of this mess.


End file.
